


Hypocrite

by sleepypaladiknight



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Awkward Flirting, Background Relationships, Banter, Chatfic with normal writing parts!, Chatting & Messaging, College Student Leorio, Falling In Love, Fluff, Getting to Know Each Other, Hurt/Comfort, Killua and Gon are middle schoolers, Kurapika Needs a Hug, Leorio curses a l o t, Leorio gives him that and more :), Light Angst, M/M, Mafia Member Kurapika, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Over text (for now), Rating May Change, SO MUCH BANTER, Sassy Kurapika (Hunter X Hunter), Slow Burn, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Texting, They're gentle with each other when they're not bullying each other, Wrong Number AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:48:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25335649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepypaladiknight/pseuds/sleepypaladiknight
Summary: Unknown Number:I just prefer sounding like a functional member of society, one who was blessed with the braincells to graduate 5th grade and understands the basic rules of grammar.Me:You meant to say you prefer sounding like an old man with a stick up their assMe:I like my women educated but not to this extent smhUnknown Number:What gives you the impression I’m a woman?- In which the sophisticated, highly particular Nostrade member Kurapika, somehow, accidentally fires off a text to the wrong number. Likewise, Leorio decides it’s a great idea to respond and hold a conversation with a stranger he’s kinda afraid of, and an even greater one to try to charm them. Walls are slowly torn down and for once, Kurapika allows himself to feel the warmth on the other side.
Relationships: Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight
Comments: 139
Kudos: 394





	1. Chapter 1

**Unknown Number**

_ 12:49 AM _

**Unknown Number:** We’re on our way. Please evacuate the boss and secure the valuables until we arrive. - Scarlet

**Me:** Woah

**Me:** Uh 

**Me:** Kinda concerned

**Me:** Who is this??

**Unknown Number:** My apologies. Wrong number.

**Unknown:** Please excuse me, and kindly delete this conversation.

**Me:** Damn

**Me:** Uh okay

**Me:** Have a good one miss

**Me:** Scarlet??

**Me:** and uh go to sleep soon? I only know a few people who’d be up at almost 1 am and none of them are sane or healthy 

**Unknown Number:** Forget that name. You have no business with it.

**Unknown Number:** And I have no need for your concern. Goodbye.

**Me:** Don’t have to be a brat smh

**Me:** Bye

_ 3:01 AM _

**Me:** I know it’s super late but I felt so goddamn bugged

**Me:** Your first text was r e a l l y concerning

**Me:** and shady as all hell

**Me:** Just because you sent a text to the wrong number doesn’t mean I’ll be hunted down for my guts and sold to the black market by the mafia right???

**Me:** Also I didn’t mean to call you a brat

**Me:** Just uh

**Me:** I’d really really prefer not getting gunned down in my sleep

**Me:** Or kidnapped

**Me:** Or tortured to admit my connection with you only for them to find out it was a tiny mistake on your behalf 

**Unknown Number:** Nothing of the sort. Delete this conversation and our accidental interaction will go unnoticed. No heed will be paid if there’s nothing to pay heed to.

**Me:** What the hell

**Me:** Do you have to talk like an ominous old man????

**Me:** That’s supposed to be reassuring but now I’m really convinced that if I answer my doorbell ever I’ll be held at gunpoint 

**Me:** i don’t want shit to do with the mafia

**Unknown Number:** You’re oddly talkative for someone who doesn’t want aforementioned affiliations.

**Unknown Number:** If you’re so keen to stay safe then stop interacting with strange numbers.

**Unknown Number:** I’ve already deleted our chat thrice, but you, supposedly desperate to avoid possible association with such business, keep bringing it back to life with frivolous small talk. 

**Me:** Oh

**Me:** That’s

**Me:** Ok touché 

**Unknown Number:** It’s simple. Don’t text this number again. You will be blocked for both your sake and mine.

**Me:** Ok tbh, I was kinda glad for your randomass text because I really needed a distraction from my books

**Me:** I messaged back because I was bored

**Me:** But still a little worried

**Me:** Scared shitless actually

**Me:** But don’t rub it in 

**Unknown Number:** You read rather late. Are you really in a place to tell other people to sleep early? 

**Unknown Number:** I see hypocrisy plagues even the most studious.

**Me:** Yes actually 

**Me:** I never said that one of those not sane people wasnt me 

**Me:** Plus I’m studying to be a doctor so it’ll literally be my damn job to tell you to sleep earlier 

**Me:** So ha!!! Sassy asshole smh

**Unknown Number:** Excuse me? 

**Me:** IT WAS A JOKE IM KIDDING

**Me:** PLEASE DONT SEND YOUR HENCHMEN OR SMTHN AFTER ME

**Me:** Not that they’d find much value actually 

**Me:** Now that I think about it

**Me:** All my organs are probably fucked up from my caffeine only diet for the past 3 years so the black markets a no go

**Me:** And I dunno what the hell the mafia’s gonna want with stacks of stuffy medical books no matter how fucking expensive they are

**Me:** Oh yeah I’m broke too so like lmfao good luck getting a good haul

**Me:** but still please don’t kill me 

**Me:** I really shouldnt be joking around like this god

**Me:** Why havent I contacted authorities yet aifjskckdkfn 

**Unknown Number:** Even if you did these messages give lacking proof.

**Unknown Number:** I could be an infamous pranker. A teenager with nothing better to do.

**Unknown Number:** There is no solid, concrete evidence of connections between this number and the underground business, so you will likely be shunned and swept to the side, labeled a delirious medical student who was unfortunate enough to be targeted by a prank texter at 12 in the morning.

**Unknown Number:** Even more so, stupid enough to keep conversating with the possible criminal you aimed to report.

**Unknown Number:** You won’t be taken seriously. Not with the law enforcement we have.

**Unknown Number:** You’re incredibly idiotic for someone hoping to be in the medical field. I worry for future injured.

**Me:** What the hell thats so fucking shady why did you think on it so damn much

**Me:** AND HEY SHUT THE HELLBUP IMN BEST IN MY CLASD

**Me:** AS IF YOU COULD DO ANY FUCKING BETTER

**Unknown Number:** And incredibly annoying, I see.

**Unknown Number:** Hell*, I’m*, class*. Illiterate as well.

**Me:** Right back at you you bastard 

**Me:** Yknow you talk hell of a lot for someone who threatened to block me if I sent them another message

**Me:** Here we are 20 messages later

**Me:** I sEe HyPocriSY PlaGUes EVeN ThE GrAmMaR NaZIs

**Unknown Number:** I’m not going to dignify your childish banter with a proper response.

**Unknown Number:** I just prefer sounding like a functional member of society, one who was blessed with the braincells to graduate 5th grade and understands the basic rules of grammar.

**Me:** You meant to say you prefer sounding like an old man with a stick up their ass 

**Me:** I like my women educated but not to this extent smh

**Unknown Number:** What gives you the impression I’m a woman? 

**Me:** I called you miss and you didn’t deny it earlier

**Me:** Also I have literally actually never met a guy who texts people like that so

**Unknown Number:** That would include old men?

**Me:** Um yeah

**Unknown Number:** Then your experience challenges your earlier claim- that I text like an old man. However, you have met no man, including elderly, that texts in such a way I do.

**Unknown Number:** Foolish, really.

**Me:** FUCK OFF 

**Me:** YOU DONT NEED TO WXPERIENCE IT TOO KNWW ITS BADIC KNOWLEDGE

**Me:** YOURE INE HWLLNOF AN ANBOYING BASTWRD

**Me:** CORRECT ME AND YOUR DEAD 

**Unknown Number:** You’re*.

**Unknown Number:** And I sincerely advise against making such bold declarations.

**Me:** OKY WHOA WAIT SHYIT IM JOKING IM SORRY

**Me:** I’m actually really sorry please don’t send people to me I swear I’ll lose my shit

**Me:** I have too many things I still need to accomplish in life

**Me:** I’m an ambitious man burning with the fire of youth rn

**Me:** Don’t blow it out so early asshole

**Unknown Number:** I see.

**Me:** IM KIDDINGAB DIDNT MEAN IT

**Me:** UOIRE NOT AN ASSHOLE

**Unknown Number:** I find it amusing to see you cursing me out so brazenly then stumbling over your words and onto your knees with an apology.

**Me:** You know what

**Me:** Fuck it

**Me:** I dont care that your a lady

**Me:** Or in the mafia

**Me:** I’ve been at the gym enough for this

**Me:** You’re actually very very fucking annoying

**Me:** I can take you underground rats on anyday

**Me:** Come at me I’ll beat all your asses so that you’ll be the ones stumbling onto your knees with an apology to your boss for getting fucked up so bad by a broke med student 

**Me:** black eyes and everything

**Me:** Maybe if your boss sees how strong I was he can stomp over and I can beat him up too

**Me:** Then I can be your leader or whatever

**Me:** And make you guys scrape in money for me so that I can pay tuition for med school

**Me:** OH HELL NO SPEAKING OF

**Me:** FUCK I HAVE AN EXAM TOMORROW ITS ALMOST 5 AM

**Me:** I HAVENT EVEN

**Me:** THANKS A LOT BASTARD NOW I GOT ONLY A BAD MOOD AND BARELY ANY STUDYING DONE

**Unknown Number:** I believe you have the faults misdirected. 

**Me:** Shut up smartass

_ 6:36 AM _

**Unknown Number:** I believe this entire ordeal was a mistake on both our parts. I’ll be taking my leave.

**Me:** Oh did you get caught or something

**Me:** Don’t block me though you’re actually kinda cool

**Me:** Hello??

**Me:** Wait I know

**Me:** IKL FYCK YUU BSTATARDS UP SO BWD

**Me:** cmon grammar nazi

——

Melody glanced to her side as the artificial glow cast on Kurapika’s face disappeared and he set his phone down on his lap, expression unreadable as he gazed out the window, twinkling with a fresh onslaught of the sky’s weeping. But even the faintest breath hinted her to the inner argument he seemed to be having with himself, piling atop the many conflicts the pained young man brought himself to face.

However, in such a heavily guarded face such as his, Melody had noticed the kind traces of amusement and joy linger, leaving cracks in his steely disposition whenever he picked his phone up. They softened his face slightly yet so significantly at the same time, carried a light to his eyes that they had gone so long without, and quirked at his lips innocently. 

In those hours that were so brief compared to his lifetime of hardship, Melody thought he looked like someone his age. A soul free to enjoy the simple luxuries of friendship and affection. 

Her eyes still on the road, she began, “Kurapika, I know by now that you’re the type of person to deny yourself even a sliver of warmth others would cling onto without a second thought. I find that you often argue with yourself over the tiniest joys.” The hitch in his fragile breaths was all she needed to know he was listening. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to prod into your business, I know it’s not my place to, but whatever it is you’re debating on- I think you should be allowed to have that. You should be allowed many things, so at least this.” She smiled gently, heart aching for the worn and torn boy beside her. “I’m sure they’re waiting for a response.”

The small smile and embarrassed, barely audible “thank you” is engraved in her mind for the rest of the quiet morning, rain finally stopping, and sun peeking shyly over the horizon.

——

**Hypocrite**

_ 7:08 AM _

**Me:** I believe you meant “I’ll fuck you bastards up so bad.” An exclamation point for emphasis on your anger.

**Me:** And I wish you good luck on your exam. I believe you’ll need it.

**Hypocrite** : Oh you actually came back!!!

**Hypocrite:** AND SHUT UP ASSHOLE ILL ACE IT JUST TO SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT HOW FUCKING GENIUS I AM


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leorio makes being both stupid and smart look easy, Kurapika refuses to talk about himself like the closed off person he is, and celebratory beer (tea.) Banter, as per usual. :)

**Annoying bastard**

_5:32 PM_

**Me:** OKAY ITS POSSIBLE BUT ONLY IF YOUR ONE SMART SON OF A GUN LIKE ME

**Me:** I SPENT AN HOUR BURIED IN MY TEXTBOOKS JUST TO TELL YOU

**Me:** You can actually kill someone with a pencil

**Me:** But the likelihood is crazy slim its more likely to cause a fatal wound instead of an instant kill

**Me:** you have to know your anatomy   
  


**Me:** And did i see you at the anatomy pop quiz last wednesday? No

**Me:** So dont even think about trying out that insane threat now

**Me:** Actually dont ever think about it and focus on your romeo and juliet act iii questions kiddo

**Annoying bastard:** I’m unsure as to why you are telling me all this, and I’m most certainly not an adolescent.

**Annoying bastard:** However, what you said is true. Admittedly, a pen would be a more successful makeshift weapon.

**Me:** WHAT THE HELL MAN

**Me:** First of all that was meant for someone else

**Me:** SECOND ITS TERRIFYING HEARING THIS FROM YOU

  
**Me:** YOU’D SPEAK FROM EXPERIENCR

**Annoying bastard:** I’m not disclosing that.

**Me:** Talking with you isnt good for my health

**Me:** Im going to die early from constant fear and concern

**Me:** Cause of death? Scared shitless

**Annoying bastard:** I’m more concerned as to who you possibly could have intended to send that information to.

**Annoying bastard:** I was given the impression you preferred to steer clear of dark affiliations? Discussing unorthodox murder methods is quite the sign.

**Me:** And that impression is right

**Me:** But nah dont worry about it it’s just some kid I’m friends with

**Me:** He’s one scary kid but he’s still a kid

**Me:** But I wouldnt be surprised if he’s got shady connections somewhere

**Me:** He’s got to have gotten his crazy threats from something

**Me:** Think you know him??

**Annoying bastard:** That’s a foolish question given the very lacking details you’ve offered. Aggressive children are not so uncommon. 

**Me:** STHU YOURE A FOOLISH EPRSON

**Me:** YOU JUST GET MORE ANNOING THE MRE I TALK TO YOU

**Annoying bastard:** Likewise. Your brash, proofless claims are so utterly stupid they’re impossible to combat. I see no point in arguing.

**Me:** IS RUINING MY MOOD YOR NEW HOBBY OR SMTHN

**Me:** AND OH YEAH I FORGOT TO SHOVE MY VICTORY DOWN YOUR POMPOUS ASS THROAT   
  


**Me:** GUESS WHO ACED THE EXAM

**Me:** HIGHEST SCORE

**Me:** THIS GUYYYY WHO WENT TO SLEEP LICKING THE ASSCRACK OF DAWN MIND YOU

**Me:** I don’t need your patronizing luck smh

**Me:** So ha fuck off

**Annoying bastard:** Ah. Congratulations.

**Me:** Does it hurt to at least try to sound happier for me??? Jerk

**Me:** Anyway nobody was surprised

**Me:** But I swear I was about to pass out

**Me:** Shoulda seen the look on my face when I found out I scored the highest running on an hour of sleep and a liter of coffee

**Me:** My handsome sleep deprived face

**Me:** I’m going to get so wasted tonight hoooooooo

**Annoying bastard:** I don’t encourage getting into intoxicated states, but I do suppose some sort of celebration is in order.

**Annoying bastard:** That is quite the impressive feat. Your score was hard-earned given the sleep you sacrificed for what I can hope was studying.

**Me:** Damn right it was

**Me:** But I lost some of that precious studying time no thanks to some maybe mafia member who found it ‘amusing’ to annoy the hell out of me

**Me:** But whatever

**Annoying bastard:** Once again, I believe you have the faults misdirected.

**Me:** And once again shut up smartass smh

**Annoying bastard:** Must I remind you who it was that continued to attempt conversation, fully intending to distract themselves from their books?

**Me:** SHUR UP

**Me:** God youre such an asshole

**Me:** I got the best score in the end so whatever

**Me:** Im trying to decide what booze to get rn

**Annoying bastard:** You’re quite the enigma.

**Me:** Not everyone is an uptight dictionary like you so in english please?? 

**Annoying bastard:** That only proves my point.

**Me:** Which is??? Stop being so extra and just spit it

**Annoying bastard:** I was just about to, but you’re rather eager to interrupt me.

**Annoying bastard:** I simply find it baffling that someone can be so academically gifted and idiotic at the same time.

**Annoying bastard:** A medical student that sees it difficult to wrangle with the word ‘enigma’ and bashes those who use it when the terms they find commonplace in their studies are far more complicated. 

**Me:** I dont know whether to be happy or offended

**Me:** Youre a troublesome lady yourself yknow that??

**Me:** Also im still not sure if youre a lady or not you still never confirmed that

**Annoying bastard:** That’s unimportant.

**Me:** Very troublesome 

**Me:** uncooperative asshole 

**Me:** Still uh

**Me:** Whatever you go by

**Me:** Im sorry if I offended you by assuming you were a woman

**Me:** Scarlet is just a feminine sounding name to me and when you came out of nowhere I kinda just rolled with it

**Annoying bastard:** It doesn’t matter to me, though I appreciate your thought.

**Annoying bastard:** And I recall telling you that you have no business with that name. Forget it.

**Me:** Uh when Ive been texting you for hours I kinda do have business with it

**Me:** But yeah sure okay

**Me:** I understand

**Me:** Is there something I can call you by tho?? Kinda weird to just yknow

**Me:** Not know what to refer to you with

**Annoying bastard:** I’d rather you not refer to me at all. 

**Me:** YOU GET WHAT I MEAN IS THERE SOMETHING I CN CALL YOU INSTEAD OR NOT

**Me:** You make everything so difficult god

**Me:** The fact you cant give me a nickname to call you is so shady

**Me:** Your basically making proof against yourself

**Me:** That youre definitely in some underground business or something

**Annoying bastard:** On the contrary, the suspicious one would be you. Constantly resurfacing the topic of the mafia. Prodding me for my name and personal information when you’ve barely given any of your own. Discussing violent topics with those you don’t name. Easily flustered when proven wrong or evidence is used against them.

**Me:** YOU

**Me:** STFU 

**Me:** THE LAST THING ID BE IN IS SOME PSYCHO BUSINESS WITH GUNS AND BLACKMAIL AND ALL THAT SHADY SHT

**Me:** IM LEARNING TO SAVE LIVES NOT TSKE THEM

**Me:** AND MY NAMES LEORIO THANK YOU VERY MUCH 

**Me:** At least ive got the fucking manners to tell you that 

**Annoying bastard:** Your lacking sense of self-preservation is bewildering, Leorio. Be thankful for your witless nature, it’s all the authorities would need to know you’re not involved in such a line of work.

**Me:** WHEN I MEET YOU ONE DAY ILL REALLY KICK YOUR ASS

**Annoying bastard:** Hm.

**Me:** NO IM NOT TAKING IT BACK THIS TIME IM NO PUSSY

**Me:** Youd better face me like a man

**Me:** or just a very strong person. Women are strong too. 

**Me:** square up smartass lets see if all that evidence will work in a fistfight

**Annoying bastard:** I’m convinced I would come out victorious. You’d be too occupied with cursing me out, just as much as you are over these messages.

**Me:** Im almost at the 7/11 and im not going to let your smart mouth (fingers???) ruin my decision making

**Me:** Anyway you sound like you know your way around some good booze

**Me:** What should I get lmao

**Me:** Hey you there resident asshole

**Annoying bastard:** Yes, and whatever is most convenient to your financial situation. I’m sure the wallet of a medical student such as yourself wouldn’t appreciate something costly. It’d jump for joy if you bought no alcohol at all.

**Annoying bastard:** Might I suggest tea instead?

**Me:** Ill get whatever the hell i want i can make all that money twice over when im a doctor! Smh

**Me:** AND LMAO TEA WHAT ARE YOU 70

**Me:** Anyway Im off to get hammered

**Me:** Dont be up until the you see the asscrack of dawn this time

**Me:** Im seriously convinced youre in the mafia if youre up at those unholy hours and not a med student

**Annoying bastard:** I can’t control my sleep schedule. That’s all I’m willing to share.

**Annoying bastard:** Drink safely. I’d rather you not jeopardize your performance in class simply because of a fleeting accomplishment. I still strongly recommend considering drinking tea over beer.

**Me:** Thats hardcore wth

**Me:** I dont have class tomorrow so relax I think I deserve this much

**Me:** Im smarter than that yknow smh

**Me:** and awwww is the annoying bastard looking out for me (fuck your tea)

**Annoying bastard:** Based off the impression you’ve given me, no, I wouldn’t.

**Annoying bastard:** And don’t mistake sharing common sense for affection.

**Me:** fuck off already

* * *

  
  


“Hey, Mel,” Melody glanced up curiously to see Basho sidling over, crouching down to her height to whisper not-so-subtly.

“Yes?”

He jabbed a finger at the blond head disappearing behind the hotel doors. “D’you know if Kurapika’s doing alright?”

“What makes you ask that?”

“He never drinks, but he kinda just asked me if I knew some ‘satisfactory’ beer. When I told him no- I prefer sake over anything, you know- he just nodded and made a beeline for Tocino and Squala. Lil’ guy looked determined to get an answer.”

“I’m sure he’s fine.” Melody smiled gently, suppressing a knowing look in Kurapika’s direction. “More than, actually. I find it rather nice he seems to be loosening up, don’t you?”

“Yeah. He’s usually so uptight. You’re right, I guess it’s not something to worry about after all.”

Melody couldn’t help but giggle under her breath.

* * *

Leorio rolled his eyes, sulking in the refrigerator aisle of the nearest 7/11 as he quietly muttered curses at the bastard that was very much right all the damn time. His weeping wallet said as much when he faced down the various tempting brands.

But he threw open one of the doors- admittedly, a little harsher than he meant to- and grabbed one of the beer packs anyway. Just to spite that brat, he’ll down the whole thing in a single night. The morning consequences were trivial compared to giving his texting partner a sense of satisfaction- that was the last thing that lady (guy?) deserved.

“Always one-upping me; I’ll show that little-”

Striding huffily down towards the cashier, he decides he won’t admit that he paused at the aisle lined with boxes of tea.

And when he gets home, he tosses his newly purchased box of tea into the cupboard, and goes straight to bed, once again, rather huffily, and unlike he promised, very sober.

  
  


* * *

  
  


_3:34 AM_

**Me:** I JUST REALIZED YOU DOGDED ALL OF MY QUESRIONS AND TURNED EVERYHTIG BACK ON ME

**Me:** YOUR THE MOST ANNOYING BASTARD IVER EVER MET

**Annoying bastard:** :)

**Me:** jfc please never send that ever again

**Me:** and go to sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear it gets less boring, we're getting there! I really enjoy these two, they're so fun aasjdvlsdvsn I hope you like reading this as much as I love writing it! (Also, I'm sure you can already guess who asked Leorio whether you could commit a murder with a pencil. He and his bestfriend get involved real soon!)
> 
> Next up: Leorio breaks the ice!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His phone screen, all those texts, were his light in the dark.  
> Leorio diagnosed an old man, worries, not having a stick up your ass, breaking the ice, and more! Mentions of injury, but not explicitly described!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To the anon named Mio, I accidentally marked your comment as spam and freaked out for 20 minutes over it- I tried to reply through my inbox right after but I didn't know if it worked!! （ｉДｉ）  
> I'm so so so sorry, thank you for your sweet comment, I'm very happy that this fic could make you laugh!!! Thank you to everyone leaving comments and kudos as well- I basically live off your feedback and it really encourages me to write more! ;;
> 
> I should also mention that the normal writing parts in this fic will mostly be from other characters' perspectives! Much like with Melody in previous chapters, the meetup with Leorio will be written more from Killua's perspective.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy the warmth and feels slowly easing in! :)

**Annoying bastard**

_Thursday, 5:47 PM_

**Me:** WHAT THE FUCK

**Me:** I SWESR MY FRNDS DOG IS FUCK(NG INSANJE

**Me:** THAT CRAXY DOCUHEBAG JUSTF TRIED TO BITR MY DICSK OFF

**Annoying bastard:** I see you are not popular among animals.

**Annoying bastard:** Canines are well known for their sharp sense of smell. They must have sensed your idiocy and deemed you an easy target.

**Me:** SHDT THE HELO UPP ASHHOLE

**Me:** IMSN

**Me:** Im going to go home right fucking now i cant stand it around that crazy mutt

**Me:** or my crazy friend

**Me:** She looks at that thing like its the whole damn world to her

**Me:** and i thought she was hella smart she literally cannot see the demon living in that thing

**Me:** Do you like dogs

**Me:** Uh hello

_Friday, 11:12 PM_

**Me:** Med schiol fyckwd up my sleep schedule

**Me:** It literally just gets harder to sleep everytimr i actually have the chance to

**Me:** These insomniac trendenciees r screwing me over

**Me:** Wbu

**Me:** Is it easy for you to sleep

**Me:** You said before you cant choose your sleep schedule

**Me:** So you probbly conk out as soon as your boss or whstvevrer lets you

**Me:** You lucky son of a bitch

**Me:** Youre in the mafia arent you 

**Me:** Anyway I may or may not have actually bought tea like you said I should

**Me:** Will it help me sleep

**Me:** brb gonna mske a cup

**Me:** woah

**Me:** I feel like an odl man but

**Me:** This is actually prwtty nice

**Me:** I think im going to hit the hay now

**Me:** Sleep soon too ok

  
  


_Saturday, 12:02 PM_

**Me:** Im hanging out with the scary maybe mafia kid I told you about before and his best friend tomorrow

**Me:** If my body ends up on the news you know what to do

**Me:** Use your shadyass mafia connections and guns or something to avenge me

**Me:** Tell everyone that my good looks were put to waste and carry on my youthful fire of ambition

**Me:** This is gonna be the only time Ill ask you so

**Me:** Wish me luck lmfao

_Delivered_

  
  


_Today, 1:29 PM_

**Me:** So far so good no psychos in sight [shrug emoji]

_Delivered_

* * *

“Are you waiting for a call, Leorio?”

“From Senior Services probably.”

On any normal day, his response would be almost automatic, an instinct proudly produced by Killua’s constant bullying. But clearly today wasn’t a normal day because something was occupying the med student’s otherwise usually empty brain, delaying his exaggerated response and holding his gaze captive on his phone.

“I’m not that old, you brat!” He snapped indignantly a second later, putting his phone aside. “And don’t worry ‘bout it, it’s nothing.”

But this supposed “nothing” left his fingertips lingering along the phone case, looking sickeningly hopeful to catch the telltale vibration of a notification. Something was up, and he was doing a pretty terrible job at hiding it. Killua cocked his brow, leaning back and crossing his arms as he stared the older man down with scrutiny. 

“What, did you get dumped by some woman again?” Killua snorted. “Don’t think too hard on it, you’ll hurt yourself. It’s probably because you reminded her of her grandpa.”

Gon nudged him chidingly. “Killua!”

Leorio groaned, shooting a glare that did little to deter the Zoldyck. “I’m surrounded by pricks every day and night!” Then he leaned over the table, jabbing an accusing finger at Killua’s chest. “When you end up in a hospital one day, don’t expect me to save you. You’ll be wheeled to the operation room, and me and my future team will just sit back and laugh at your agony. Then when you finally die, I’ll head out and tell your jerk family with the saddest face I can fake that we did all we could.”

“Like I’d ever go to a hospital with you working in it, I’d probably die even if you did try. Don’t flatter yourself, old man.” The snowy-haired boy scoffed before easing the conversation towards the point he wanted to get at. He ignored the sad look that crossed Leorio’s eyes at his unintentionally sharp words, and forged on, albeit uncomfortably.. “A-anyway, the last time I checked, I was the only prick with the permission to shove you around. There’s more of me ‘round here?”

Gon seemed to wilt, shifting guiltily as his shoulders sunk, taking the atmosphere down with them despite the sunny afternoon. “We try not to bother you too much since we know you’re busy studying… And I’m sorry if we’re rude, we don’t mean to be!”

“Speak for yourself.”

“Nonono,” Leorio scrambled to ruffle Gon’s hair affectionately, sweatdropping at the kicked-puppy look he received from the boy. “You’re not anything like that. Kinda the opposite actually. I’m not lumping you in with the brat.” Then he turned to flick a finger against Killua’s forehead, earning him an annoyed yelp. “But you- you’re definitely one of those pricks. The original, actually. God, it couldn’t hurt to show your so-called ‘old man’ some more respect.” 

“When you don’t flaunt your wanking habits, maybe I will,” he shrugged before nonchalantly sipping from his milkshake. “Anyway, who’s this other prick? Didja finally meet some hag who’s not taking your pervy bullshit?”

“Language, Killua.”

“Like you’re in any place to say that, I’ve seen the way you text, stupid.”

“Whatever,” huffed Leorio. “Anyway, uh, I dunno how to explain it. I just made a friend recently. Maybe?”

“I think that’s great, Leorio!” Gon chirped, popping an orange slice into his mouth. “Are you waiting for them to call you then? Did you have to hold off because we came to visit?”

“Why, thank you, Gon.” He shot Killua a glare that yelled ‘why can’t you be more like him?’ and only got a stuck-out tongue in response. “And don’t worry, that’s not it, kid. But uh, I’m just a little worried I guess. They usually pop up as soon as I say something stupid so they can bully me about it.”

“I like this woman already.”

“I don’t know if they’re actually a lady though? I assumed they were because-“ Killua raised a brow when Leorio paused. “It’s not important. But I-“

“You got a bad reaction when you sent them a dick pic, huh.”

“First of all, I do not send dick pics ever, I’m a man of class so shut your damn trap, second, they outright just won’t freaking tell me. I literally asked, like, twice and they somehow dodge the question every time.” 

“Did you ask politely?” After finishing his orange Gon then took to nibbling the skin. He was promptly ignored.

Leorio balked. “Of course I did! But they just hit me with a ‘that’s none of your business’ or something like that and I don’t know. It’s shady as hell sometimes.”

“Pfft, are you really friends then?” Killua rolled his eyes, “How the hell do you not know their gender?”

“Okay, we actually met by accident, over text. They sent a message to the wrong number, mine, and I replied like a decent human being. That, was how our complicated, shady-as-hell friendship began.”

“You replied like a total dumbass, that’s what. You’re gonna die, old man, I know it.“ Killua sneered. He was far too familiar with red flags in texting, given the line of work his (ex)family was devoted to, and he once was in. He wasn’t sure whether to be surprised that a to-be-doctor was dumb enough to skip past those signs or not just because it was Leorio. “But seriously, you should probably stop texting them. That’s suspicious as all hell.”

Then the idiot chuckled- he laughed- and just shrugged. “They told me the same thing. That I needed to shut up and stay away from suspicious numbers. But I was bored that night, okay? Studying for hours on end, every single day- cut me some slack! A guy needs a little excitement every now and then, a good distraction, y’know?”

“So possibly getting yourself sold on the black market is what you would call a good distraction?”

Leorio waved his hand dismissively, looking too smug for someone whose address and fingers were probably up for auction by now. “I explained to them exactly why I shouldn’t be sold, so ha, checkmate.”

He slumped onto the table feeling incredibly inspired to bang his head against it- a testament to the brain cells he lost just by hanging out with these two. “That’s not- I give up. I’m as surrounded by idiots as you are by pricks.”

Gon tilted his head, an innocent smile quirking his lips. “Including me?” Killua’s heart let out a panicked scream in the form of loud thrumming in his chest. God, he was so sunny.

“Yeah, but you’re my best friend so you’re not lumped in with gramps.”

Said gramps had snuck another glance at his phone screen, flipping through briefly before huffing and setting it back down again. It was almost nauseating how utterly obsessed the guy looked. It was like watching a dog wait for its owner.

“So why exactly are you so damn anxious again?” Unamused, he toyed with his straw, watching clot after clot of whipped cream disappear into a pink expanse. Would the old man just spit it out already?

Leorio averted his gaze, but not before shooting him a dirty look. “They just- I’m 100% sure they’re not just another normal person bagging stuff at a Target or something. But no matter just how terrifyingly illegal their job might be, I can tell they’re a decent guy. They’ve talked with me for this long and they’re actually pretty damn funny. I kinda started seeing them as a friend, so when they didn’t answer like they usually do, I guess I got concerned.” Killua watched as Leorio threaded his hands together, staring down at them with furrowed brows. “Maybe something could’ve happened to them on a maybe-mafia mission. I dunno.”

_Ah._

“Stop that.”

“Huh?”

“Stop doing that.”

“Doing what?”

“Looking like a decent human being and not a stupid, old pervert. Makes me want to be nice to you.”

* * *

  
  


As soon as Killua had tugged Gon into the car driving them home, he motioned him over for a huddle and leaned in to whisper with a mischievous lilt to his voice. 

“So, about the old man, next time we see him, how about we...”

* * *

  
  


_8:09 PM_

**Annoying bastard:** I apologize for my absence. I hope the meeting went smoothly.

**Me:** Oh youre back!!

**Me:** And it was more of a bullying session smh

**Me:** All they did was call me old man and make fun of my decisions

**Me:** Like wth Im not even old Im a healthy man at 23 and their whole life ahead of them

**Me:** I think your early 20s is when your life really begins these teens wouldnt understand 

**Me:** When you chug coffee two hours before a morning class is when things get interesting hell yeah

**Me:** ALSO THAT REMINDS ME

**Me:** How old even are you????

**Me:** You text like an old man but I have this classmate who kinda acts like you so 

**Me:** This is the same person who has Satan spawn for a dog 

**Me:** And dont give me that ‘none of your business’ or ‘its classified’ emo bs

**Me:** Or else Ill really think your in the mafia

**Annoying bastard:** I don’t understand why it should concern you, unless you have ulterior motives and intend to sap information from me to use later.

**Me:** have you literally not made a friend before

**Me:** Do you know what that is

**Me:** Ever heard of getting to know each other??? smh

**Me:** Thats what friends do

**Me:** Not even friends like ive met hella open strangers at the bar and heard some pretty deep stories over a shot or two

**Me:** Your name and gender should not be that big of a deal [eyeroll]

**Annoying bastard:** I see that self-preservation is a foreign concept to you.

**Me:** I see not having a stick up your ass is a foreign concept to you [eyeroll]

**Me:** Can you at least tell me where the hell youve been

**Me:** Wait sorry that sounded kinda douchey

**Me:** Youve just vanished into thin air these past few days

**Me:** You ok??

**Annoying bastard:** I am not obligated to report my daily life to you nor babysit you over text.

**Me:** Ok WOW wth

**Me:** who pissed on you today??

**Me:** I was just asking if you were doing alright asshole

**Me:** Why the fuck do you make everything so hard

**Me:** Like 

**Me:** I got worried ok???

**Annoying bastard:** Why would you needlessly worry over a complete and utter stranger? You have no business with me. 

**Me:** First of all when you become my friend I do have business with you

**Me:** Second your really sus but pretty cool

**Me:** If youre really in all that mafia shit I was worried you got hurt or smthn

**Me:** Since your usually always there to call me out being stupid and then you just stopped

**Me:** But WHATEVER

**Me:** Turns out your just in a pissy mood so like go and be bratty somewhere else 

_Read, 8:19 PM_

_9:30 PM_

**Me:** Ok i didnt mean that

**Me:** Im rlly sorry and Im still rlly worried

**Me:** So uh are you actually ok??

**Me:** You didnt get shot or something right

**Me:** if your really in the mafia that is

**Annoying bastard:** No.

**Me:**? No to what?

**Me:** No your not in the mafia or no you didnt get shot??

**Me:** Whatever Im glad either way

_Read, 9:35 PM_

_9:52 PM_

**Me:** Are you just gonna keep leaving me on read??

**Me:** Something tells me youre not really okay

**Me:** R you??

**Me:** I get it if you dont wanna talk about it

**Me:** You dont have to and we can still just chat

**Me:** If you want to

**Me:** I know you never really meant to start talking to me in the first place so like

**Me:** Just say it to my face if im annoying or whatever smh 

**Me:** Im a busy guy too so its not like I dont understand

**Annoying bastard:** You are more amusing than annoying.

**Me:** Oh

**Me:** Thanks??

**Me:** I dont whether to feel insulted or happy again

**Me:** You and your weirdass insult-compliments

**Me:** Asshole

**Me:** But not completely

**Me:** Youre chill

**Annoying bastard:** You frustrate me.

**Me:** Hah?? 

**Me:** You prick you literally just said I wasnt that annoying

**Annoying bastard:** My apologies, allow me to rephrase that.

**Annoying bastard:** The way you treat me confuses me to such an extent it’s frustrating.

**Annoying bastard:** You know next to nothing about me, yet you continue to boldly claim me as your friend, sharing your peaceful everyday antics with me without considering the possibility that I could one day step in and tear it all apart?

**Annoying bastard:** I could take away the life you so love- the people you cherish, the routine you happily follow with every sunrise, the home containing all traces of your existence. 

**Annoying bastard:** Everything you hold dear, risked on the opinion that I’m “pretty cool” or “chill?”

**Me:** When you put it like that you make me look like a dumbass

**Annoying bastard:** It would not be far from the truth.

**Me:** SHST UP

**Me:** Anyway

**Me:** I know you would never do any of those things 

**Me:** Even if you did I know you wouldnt have wanted to

**Annoying bastard:** What evidence could you possibly have that backs up such a reckless belief? 

**Me:** I dont have much

**Me:** But

**Me:** You gave off this dark, dangerous and distant pretense, I guess

**Me:** You were really suspicious, but I could tell you were a good person after we talked a little more

**Me:** You even tried to protect the both of us by threatening to block me but kept talking to me anyway just because I said I was hella bored 

**Me:** And you always tease me WHICH IS STILL REALLY FUCKING ANNOYING but you never cross the line y'know? You havent threatened me, not really.

**Me:** Also I didn’t want to admit it to you but I did buy the tea you suggested and it was a much better choice than beer (in case you didnt read my text from earlier,) so I can assume it was genuine advice

**Me:** So I just I dunno.

**Me:** I just trust you

**Me:** For someone trying to be so dark you kind of remind me of a firefly

**Me:** This teasing (little asshole) light you see in the dark kinda

**Me:** And it’s hard to catch but its definitely there

**Me:** You’re a decent person I can feel it 

**Me:** And I think knowing something as small as that is enough to make you a friend

**Me:** If you didn’t make friends on a whim like that you’d be in one hell of a dark place right now

**Me:** When you don’t have any other lights in your life to hold onto or guide you, you just start to lose your own and then its all pitch black

**Me:** It’s a really sad place and nobody should get to that point

**Me:** And I uh

**Me:** I got sick of it there so I got off my ass to straighten up my life, meet people, make goals and all that

**Me:** And it feels a whole brighter

**Me:** Woah I kinda went off there

**Me:** jfc that got hella cheesy sorry

**Me:** Forget about it I kinda overthunk that

**Annoying bastard:** I see.

**Me:** Really?? Is that all youve got to say??

**Me:** There I went being all thoughtful smh

**Annoying bastard:** No no, I apologize.

**Annoying bastard:** I understand what you mean.

**Annoying bastard:** Thank you.

**Me:** for what?? 

**Annoying bastard:** For telling me all of that. I suppose I could learn a thing or two from you.

**Annoying bastard:** I’m just taken aback by the valid points you made.

**Annoying bastard:** I wasn’t aware you could be capable of such logic.

**Me:** IM RESLLY FUCKING SMART I JUST DONT WASTE IT ON AN ASS LIKE YOU

**Me:** And its not logic its called not being an angsty ass and hurting yourself and the people around you [eyeroll]

**Me:** Smh some people are emotionally unhealthy and it shows

**Annoying bastard:** Excuse me?

**Me:** Your not excused bc it does not take a normal person this long to tell someone their fucking gender at the very least

**Me:** Thats literally the first thing anyone these days should clear up

**Me:** Then weve got mr. mystery mouskatool here except he thinks the tool will hurt him later [eyeroll]

**Annoying bastard:** I’m confused.

**Me:** Woah the know it all has finally been trapped

**Me:** Cute lmao 

**Me:** Anyway nvm I forgot the mafia lived under rocks my bad

**Me:** HA get it bc underground economy

**Me:** Are you actually in the mafia tho

**Me:** Can you at least tell me that much??

**Me:** So i know what to expect 

**Me:** if youre scared of me outing you fine then be a pussy

**Me:** But im smart enough not to snitch on a friend especially you

**Me:** Youd kill me before it got out anyway lmao

**Annoying bastard:** Fine. Yes. I am affiliated with that line of work. However, I won’t disclose anything else about my job.

**Me:** jfc you actually are 

**Me:** Wow uh

**Me:** Be careful out there ok

**Me:** Speaking of being careful

**Me:** This is kinda related to your job but

**Me:** What made you not text for a while??

**Annoying bastard:** Business as per usual.

**Me:** Alright

**Me:** Just dont get yourself killed alright

**Me:** So uh

**Me:** How long have you been doing all this crazy stuff?? for the mafia

**Annoying bastard:** If any of this information is leaked out, I will truly have no choice but to eliminate you. You could prove to be a difficult obstacle one day, a channel for information, and we will have to rid of it. Do you understand?

**Me:** Chill out of course I do

**Me:** My lips are sealed baby

**Me:** But I can still call you my friend right?? No identifying info or anything youll just be my internet buddy or smthn

**Annoying bastard:** If you must. Do as you please.

**Me:** Sweet

**Annoying bastard:** I have been in this business since I was a child.

**Me:** Since you were a kid??? god like how old???

**Annoying bastard:** 10.

**Me:** WTH

**Me:** WHEN I WAS 10 I WSS PLAYING DODGEBALL WITH PIETRO AND JUST FUCKING AROUND

**Me:** WHILE YOU WERE OFF LEARNING HOW TO TAKE SOMEONE OUT WITH A PENCIL

**Me:** Pen* actually

**Me:** Youve got to have some serious trauma 

**Me:** How long ago was 10 years old?? 

**Me:** Yknow… how old are you rn?

**Annoying bastard:** That was about 11 years ago. I’m currently 21, in the early 20s much like you.

**Me:** Holy shit i need to take a fucking moment to think about this

**Me:** The fattest fucking contemplation of my life

**Me:** YOURE YOUNGER THAN ME

  
  


**Me:** DUWDNKWN WHAT 

**Me:** THATS INSANE NO WAY

**Annoying bastard:** If my age will be the basis for future underestimation, I implore you to reconsider.

**Me:** NONONO IM NOT GOING TO UNDERESTIMATE YOU

**Me:** ESPECIALLY YOU

**Me:** God I feel so unaccomplished right now

**Annoying bastard:** Pursuing a future in the medical field is no ambition to scoff at. Your dream is more noble than mine could ever hope to be.

**Me:** Thats true if i had a shot for every student that dropped out of one of my classes Id be hopelessly wasted

**Me:** Im one noble smartass arent I haha

**Me:** Anyway whats your dream? 

**Annoying bastard:** It’s personal, I apologize.

**Me:** Oh ok crossed a line

**Me:** I understand

**Me:** Becoming a doctor is a pretty personal thing to me too

**Me:** So uh

**Me:** This is the last thing Im gonna ask you and I swear Ill leave you be 

**Me:** What are you??? Like whatre your pronouns because when I talk about you I dont wanna just “I dont know whether theyre a girl or a boy lmao lets spin the wheel”

**Annoying bastard:** I’d very much prefer you keep discussing me to an absolute minimum. If you run your mouth, we will know.

**Me:** I get it I get it jeez

**Me:** Itll just sound suspicious if I dont even know what pronouns to call you by 

**Me:** I know now that blowing your cover or whatever would be the biggest mistake of my life [shiver]

**Annoying bastard:** He, him. I’m male.

**Me:** Oh nice me too

**Me:** haha he/him gang

**Annoying bastard:** Please stop.

**Me:** okok my bad

**Me:** I just got kinda excited bc this is the most youve ever told me and probably will ever tell me lmao

**Me:** lemme celebrate ya killjoy

**Me:** Im drinking tea in honor of your un-assholing

**Me:** Congrats

**Me:** you grow up so fast

**Annoying bastard:** Treat me like a child and I will prove to you in every way why you are wrong.

**Me:** Awww throwing a tantrum??

**Me:** Dont worry Im sure youll become a great serial murderer one day if you finish your veggies like a good child

**Me:** hehe

**Annoying bastard:** Do children often suffer from a pulsing migraine every other day? I sincerely doubt it.

**Me:** Yikes

**Me:** Sounds familiar

**Me:** I can offer you some advice from experience

**Annoying bastard:** That would be greatly appreciated, actually. I don’t mean to trouble you.

**Me:** Wth youre not bothering me at all and hey its not a big deal 

**Me:** Im honestly kinda honored your asking me

**Me:** Anyway before you consider taking over the counter medicines and all that

**Me:** Fixing up your habits would help a lot

**Me:** Especially your sleeping ones. Try to get more rest if possible

**Me:** Oh and avoid caffeine and coffee and all that, dont be like me lmao

**Me:** Do stress relieving stuff too

**Me:** like yknow just talking about your problems with someone you trust, meditating if thats your thing, or maybe taking some time to do a hobby 

**Me:** But if your hobby is killing people I do NOT recommend

**Annoying bastard:** Quite the opposite, I can assure you.

**Annoying bastard:** Thank you. I’ll keep your advice in mind. 

**Me:** No prob

**Me:** Med school isnt easy on the body either so I can probably get a gist of what your feeling

**Me:** Anyway as soon as I finish this cup im gonna have to pass out

**Me:** Im pretty sure the prof is gonna pull another quiz out on us and id rather not leave my score up to dumb luck and a cup of coffee

**Me:** Like always you should sleep soon too

**Annoying bastard:** Okay. 

**Annoying bastard:** Good luck, even if you ‘don’t need my patronizing luck.’

**Me:** Damn right but thanks anyway hehe

**Me:** Gnight uh

**Me:** Idk 

**Me:** ‘Internet buddy’ lmao

**Me:** And thanks

**Me:** For opening up to me

**Me:** I hope I didnt bug you too bad

**Annoying bastard:** Not at all.

**Annoying bastard:** Your company isn't unwelcome. :)

**Me:** Youre rlly cool to chat with too ig [grin]

**Me:** Anyway gnight now man

_Read, 10:43 PM_

_10:56 PM_

**Annoying bastard:** Kurapika.

**Me:** Huh??

**Annoying bastard:** My name. It’s Kurapika.

* * *

  
  


“Kurapika!”

Melody rushed to his side, eyes wide with concern as the other members trailed hastily after her, gathering around the blond’s wounded body slumped against the alley wall. Red seeped into the cloth on his torso, grime plastered stubbornly to his face, tousled hair fanned over heavy eyes, his mishap coat clutched desperately onto his hunched shoulders and a sillage of crimson staggering away from his nose- altogether, it painted a gruesome picture. Just as she knelt down, her gaze caught on the brightly glowing screen held loosely in his hand, chasing away the shadows that threatened to enclose the blond in the narrow alleyway. 

Small, gentle hands swept the hair from his eyes, brushing carefully over open cuts, before eventually resting on his chest to catch his heartbeat. Despite his outward appearance, Melody was taken aback by the serene thrum, the muscle playing a tune of peace and warmth she insisted Kurapika deserved to sing. The hard, metallic pattern she had come to be familiar with was absent, and in its place, a light, welcome stranger. 

“You alright? You look like you got beaten up pretty bad.” Basho extended his arm, helping hoist his worn and torn colleague to his feet. 

“I am, and loathe I am to admit, I was.” Came the croaky response, body finally heaving off the cold ground.

Melody caught the phone just as it tumbled out of Kurapika’s weak hold, receiving a hoarse “thank you” as he steadied himself. She then glanced up with kind curiosity as they all headed back to their ride. Oddly enough, Kurapika seemed to be in good spirits, answering questions the other members shot him in that reserved yet courteous manner of his, and allowing himself to be aided to the backseat without argument. Polite compliance was a rarity in the man, especially after long and grueling assignments (moreso those relevant to the Scarlet Eyes, Melody had come to notice,), so the others cherished it, appreciative of level-headed exchange rather than cold retorts or complete silence. Something had uplifted him, made him lighter.

“So you didn’t retrieve anything after all that? Shame.” Shrugged Squala as he eased into the front seat, everyone settling for another long drive. “Neon’ll give us hell.”

There was a small pause. “I apologize. The fault is entirely my own, so allow me to take responsibility and explain the situation to her myself.” He bowed weakly in his seat, but he spoke as if tiny embers of life have been breathed back into him. “On the other hand, I’m certain we’ll make off with much more if we follow the new leads they mistakenly gave me. I managed to catch wind of a site that holds far more promise. Apparently, this area was simply one of their minor branches.”

“Interesting. So Dalzollene’s suspicions were right. He’ll be pleased to hear.” Tocino reached behind him and patted Kurapika on the shoulder. “Good work, Kurapika.”

"Thank you."

“It seems everything turned out just fine in the end, yes?” Melody offered, shouldering Kurapika’s weight as he leaned tiredly against her and meeting the blond’s gaze with purpose as she handed him his phone.

Kurapika nodded as he took it gingerly, having caught the hint given the subtle, indignant red that dusted over his cheeks and ears.

Curiously, her eyes flickered to the phone screen that briefly came back to life before it was tucked into his lap, catching a glimpse of something that made her release a breath she didn’t know she'd been holding.

**Hypocrite** _Now_

Nice to finally meet you Kurapika!! [thumbs up] [eyeroll] Took ya long enough smh

“I just made a friend recently.” He murmured softly, as if reading her thoughts.

Her heart swelled. “I think that’s great, Kurapika.” She responded just as gently.

* * *

_Contact name successfully set to Kurapikapika...bitch._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed! This was one of the longest things I've written ever, and it's not a lot, but I released the biggest breath ever when I finished,,, ;w;
> 
> Up next: A certain white-haired cat and green-haired puppy decide to intervene. :3c


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gon and Killua dabble into some mischief, trust, breaking grammar laws, and speeding up Leorio’s aging. :P

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long! Class is starting soon and I’ve been raving with anxiety the past week g a h - anyway, here’s a chapter that’s all texting! Feedback is always appreciated!!! Thank you so much for the support! :)

**Kurapikapika...bitch**

_Friday 5:47 PM_

**Me:** Nah, I just got back from POM.

**Me:** Let’s drink some other time, yeah? I’m exhausted, and you should probably head home too.

**Me:** And before you tell me we haven’t drunk in a while, remember I take classes that remind me every damn day why I shouldn’t drink. Lmao

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Why is it our conversations almost always begin with a message intended for someone else? I see I’ve set a trend.

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I’m going to assume those texts were for another acquaintance?

**Me:** GAH SORRY MAN

**Me:** Ive got this other buddy of mine and he just asked me out for drinks but idk Im not feeling up to it

**Me:** Normally Id be down but im deciding to be the responsible adult here

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Quite the words coming from someone who declared he’d drink himself delirious some time ago.

**Me:** SMH

**Me:** Like I said im not feeling it rn

**Me:** Ugh 

**Me:** Is this it??? A sign im getting old??? Were the brats right???

**Me:** Im starting to prefer tea over anything else now fuck

**Me:** BUT DONT BE ANNOYING AND RUB IT IN MY FACE

**Me:** Avoiding alcohol is a good thing but I cant help but feel like im losing this young passionate part of me in the process

**Me:** Its probably because i hang around you

**Me:** I think im just aging faster the more i talk to you

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Were you not just treating me like a child a few days ago? You’d think interacting with such a child would boost your ‘youthfulness.’

**Me:** Whatever you still radiate this old man aura lmao

**Me:** The way you text and the things you drink and even the job youre in…

**Me:** Are all old man things hahaha

**Me:** Don’t rob me of my fleeting youth you bastard!!

**Me:** Such a bad influence lmao

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** How many times must I correct you and say you have the faults misplaced? I’m doing you a favor by scrubbing away your bad habits for you, transforming you from a raging teenager with no sense of responsibility to a model medical student.

**Me:** SHUT THE HELL UP   
  


**Me:** RAGING TEENAGER??? NO SENSE OF RESPONSIBILTIY??? SAY THAT TO MY FACE NEXT TIME ILL REALLY KICK YOUR ASS

**Me:** The more I talk to you the more annoying you get too 🙄

**Me:** Youre just making me old thats what youre doing

**Me:** Slowly absorbing all the years in life I could be prospering in with your stupid tea

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** You slander those who like tea but continue to drink it yourself. A masterful hypocrite.

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** And I’d say the bad influence would be you, on the contrary. I would prefer to not experience a hangover again anytime soon. 

**Me:** WOAH WAIT YOU ACTUALLY GOT THE STICK OUT OF YOUR ASS AND HAD SOME BOOZE???

**Me:** HELL YEAH

**Me:** HOW WAS IT

**Me:** DONT TELL ME IT WAS YOUR FIRST TIME HAHAHA

**Me:** Whatd you even have lmao some snobby rich shit huh

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I can’t recall, a colleague had gotten it. 

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** However, its price was nothing to scoff at. 

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** It tasted fine. Whether it was my first is unimportant.

**Me:** First your un-assholing and now losing your alcohol virginity cheers man!!! 🍻🍻🍻

**Me:** Anyway you and your filthy rich hella shady connections

**Me:** Hook me up to some of that smh

**Me:** But it mustve been real good if youre that close to complimenting is

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I don’t care for the money my job earns me. You may name an amount and I can safely transfer it to you.

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** As satisfactory as it was, it was not worth the hangover. I believe I’d rather stick to tea.

**Me:** WH

**Me:** Dude i was just kidding 

**Me:** Id never sap off you like that

**Me:** Thats your bling so use it

**Me:** And lmao i totally understand that hope it gets better man

**Me:** Uh if youre still feeling it I know a few things that help

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I’m not opposed to hearing them.

**Me:** Pretty simple just eat well, drink lots of fluids and stay hydrated, and get enough rest

**Me:** Some self care can really make the day feel easier!

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Thank you. I appreciate it.

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Hm. That was the most punctuation I’ve seen in messages from you. 

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I believe the text intended for your acquaintance was also properly composed, grammar and all.

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Is it that I am not deserving of respect?

**Me:** Anytime 👌

**Me:** And no stupid

**Me:** Stop overthinking everything yeesh

**Me:** Actually you should v e r y happy that i text you like this

**Me:** Ill have you know i only text close buddies like this 

**Me:** I feel like they wont judge me for it and im comfortable enough to just let loose around them

**Me:** Which is pretty fucking ironic because 99% of the time i talk to you youre judging me

**Me:** So yeah be glad

**Me:** But if you have a problem with the way i talk then i can demote you easy fucking peasy

**Me:** You dont have to be friends with some “hypocritical” idiot with bad grammar if thats what you want I can deal with that smh 🙄

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I don’t recall establishing us as friends, moreso close ones.

**Me:** YOU ASSHOLE I THOUGHT WE HAD A WHOLE CONVERSATION ABUT THIS A FEW DAYS AGO

**Me:** I THOUGHT WE CLEARED THAT OUT ALRSDY

**Me:** SMH

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** So it seems the more intimate you are with someone, the ruder you text.

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I pity your loved ones.

**Me:** SHST THE FUCK OP

**Me:** i wouldnt even text someone if theyre that important to me

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Your logic is baffling.

**Me:** WAIT THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT LEMME FINISH BASTARD

**Me:** I wouldnt text them Id call them

**Me:** Calling or video chatting

**Me:** Its a way better way of showing them you care yknow

**Me:** Like if i had cute gf (or bf) id call her everyday to remind her i just how much i adore em

**Me:** or tell them that im always thinking and worrying about them

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I see.

**Me:** Dont hit me with that like im a weirdo

**Me:** Youve got to have thought about getting a gf before

**Me:** Or a boyfriend! Or whatever I dont judge!!! Im bi so haha

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I have to attend to something. My apologies for cutting our conversation short.

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** You mentioned your exhaustion earlier. Go and get rest.

**Me:** Oh ok np

**Me:** Also tbh that was just an excuse not to go drinking but when it comes to being tired its always at least 50% true

**Me:** That sounds nice right about now so yeah maybe I will thanks

**Me:** Look after yourself too okay?? Dont go dying on me by making bad decisions

**Me:** I have a feeling youre kinda bad at self care lmao no matter how much you advocate for tea

**Me:** Anyway have a nice night pika

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** To you as well, Leorio

* * *

**Best friend in the whole wide world**

_4:20 AM_

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** haha 4:20 blaze it

**Me:** Killuaaaaa go to sleeeeep 🙁 you shouldn’t be awakeeeeee

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** i could say the same to you idiot

**Me:** why are you up? Do you want to talk?

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** nah i’m fine dw

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** i just don’t feel tired

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** totally not because i downed 3 energy drinks and dumped a shit ton of sugar into some coffee lol

**Me:** Killuaaaaa 🙁

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** hey you’re awake too

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** what’s your excuse then if you’re such a saint

**Me:** i couldnt sleep either 😣

**Me:** I’m also worried for Leorio…

**Me:** do you think he’s okay?? Do you think his friend is okay?

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** they’re not technically friends if he doesn't even know their gender

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** leorio made himself their friend he’s self-proclaimed lol doesn’t mean it’s mutual 

**Me:** Killua that’s mean 😢

**Me:** I called you my friend and it turned out you thought I was yours too!! 

**Me:** You didnt tell me a lot either remember??

**Me:** But we still hung out and had lots of fun!! That’s all you need to make someone a friend Aunt Mito said 😁

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** well our situation doesn’t count, i’m not lumping us in with the old man

**Me:** heehee 😆

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** shut up 

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** anyway i’m sure they’re fine

**Me:** OK I think they’ll be alright too!

**Me:** Wahhh feeling tired already….

**Me:** Go to sleep soon okay Killua?

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** yeah whatever

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** i’ll try

**Me:** or else I’ll tell Leorio 😈

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** i’ll really kill that old man if he lectures me again ughj

**Me:** you should open your window! Aunt Mito always told me to do that if i couldnt sleep and it works really well! 

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** thanks

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** i guess i’ll give it a go 

**Me:** OK goodnight killua!! 😄

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** gn gon

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** 😸

_11:26 AM_

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** i’ll be at the tree in like 6 mins

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** we didn’t have to meet you there y’know we could’ve just picked you up from your house

**Me:** Yayy! 

**Me:** Im almost there too!!

**Me:** Bet i can get there first 😋

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** THATS NOT FAIR IM IN A CAR   
  
**Best friend in the whole wide world:** and making the driver speed up is pointless bc it’s gotoh today ugh

**Me:** heehee youll have to figure it out for yourself 😆

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** ugh you’re so annoying 

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** fine then

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** it’s not the first time i’ve done this so i don’t think they’ll yell at me too bad lmao

**Me:** what are you doing?? Heehee 😋

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** kinda just jumped out of the car

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** running over there rn

**Me:** 😈 neaaaarly there

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** bet

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** anyway we need to discuss the game plan 4 today

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** we can’t talk about it in the car bc gotoh’ll be 2 busy scolding me

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** and he’ll add some annoyingass lesson about not sticking my nose into other people’s business 😻

**Me:** lololololol XP

**Me:** so all i need to do is ask leorio for his phone to play games right??

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** yea, getting the phone is where the fun begins lol

**Me:** but i don’t get how me playing temple run is supposed to be fun to you?? 😮

**Me:** this isnt going to make leorio upset is it? ☹️

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** he can boohoo all he wants 🙄

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** anyway ur not actually gonna play temple run stupid

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** ur gonna hand it to me under the table and then while leorio’s ranting about whatever dumb shit he usually talks about i’ll fuck things up like i always do

**Me:** So no temple run? ☹️

**Me:** And I see the tree heehee 

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** i do too ur not special lmao 😹

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** and if gramps doesnt catch us before then ill give the phone back to you when im done

**Me:** yay!! 😄

**Me:** i see you!!

**Best friend in the whole wide world:** you really think ur gonna beat me?? Lmao

* * *

  
  


**Kurapikapika...bitch**

_1:12 PM_

**Kurapikapika... bitch:** I’ve tried your suggestions to alleviate a hangover. I’d like to thank you for your help.

**Me:** No problem man its no big deal!!!

**Me:** Like I said i know way too well how it feels 

**Me:** yknow if you ever have trouble with anything else Ill probably have some advice haha

**Me:** Leave it to me!! 👍

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Noted.

**Me:** Anyway

**Me:** I’m hanging out with the crazy kid and semicrazy kid today again lmao

**Me:** Insane as ever

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Ah, the ones who asked if murder was possible with a pen?

**Me:** Yeah although it was mainly the crazy one

**Me:** The semicrazy kid could never lmao there’s not a bad hair on his head hes just concerningly curious about everything 

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** They sound very pleasant. Enjoy yourselves.

**Me:** I know they will but at my expense smh

**Me:** But yeah

**Me:** Talk to ya in a bit 

_1:20 PM_

**Me:** hey

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** That was fast. How was it?

**Me:** i couldnt focus

**Me:** on anything they were saying

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** That’s unfortunate. Our minds tend to wander at the worst times. Did you still manage to enjoy their company in some way?

**Me:** i couldnt

**Me:** not when i was thinking of you

**Me:** i want your company so so so much more

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I… see.

**Me:** you fill every corner of my mind like a bright light

**Me:** every single day

**Me:** i think about you when i go drinking like a moron, when i shower, when i go to sleep and wankkk

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I apologize, I’m confused.

**Me:** get the hint alreadyyy 

**Me:** i love you and i want to CR USH you the day i meet you irl

**Me:** ill cradle you like a baby and whisper super sugary nothings to you so that you get diabetes and cavities

**Me:** and tell you just how head over heels i am for you and how long ive been pining for you like the ABSOLUTE idiot i am

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Leorio. Did something happen?

**Me:** pick me. choose me. please. 

**Me:** im sorry ive been such a stupid idiot instead of telling you how deep my feelings run like a river of a love

**Me:** ill get PHYSICAL PHYSICAL just the way you like and love you like no one has ever loved you beforrrree

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I will clear this out of the way in the possibility this is genuine. First and foremost, I cannot accept your feelings in any way, however I admire your bravery to confess them. 

**Me:** nononononononononononononononono

**Me:** love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me

**Kurapikpika...bitch:** Second, I would like to ask what transpired to bring you such oddly timed inspiration and courage. Are you alright? You’re not intoxicated in front of children, I pray? 

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I will send help immediately should you need it.

**Me:** nooononononononono please listeenenennn

**Me:** i n e e d you

**Me:** oh how i want to just run my fingers alaofin;iasfinfe;aonf’v[p-C-QW0QFUOPVPAPM]’ a[kfp0jfw

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Leorio, I am very concerned. Be serious, are you alright?

**Me:** qwifp fsacpqwjfopvpsjfqpeovqpv

**Me:** ospacjpo c [cas[pjnc v[a ;sv 🧳🐻🙊wf0-t3p;r fwq fqw-=

**Me:** dwnklnfi32o32fewco 😂😂👌👌✨🌱🌱kiadjwwllua was herjreejrepohfoi🥻🩱⛑👚as0f9hioweflf💼🎒👑

**Me:** jpojass;

**Me:** OH MY FUCKING GOD

  
  
 **Me:** IM SOSOSO FUCKING SORRY

**Me:** I HATE THESE FUCKING KIDS   
  


**Me:** Kurapika listen I’m so sorry, I swear that wasn’t me

**Me:** I handed my phone to one of these brats because he likes to play games on them

**Me:** but somehow it ended up with the crazy kid and 

**Me:** Ugh oh my god

**Me:** Holy shit im going to kill them

**Me:** those snotty little dickwads

**Me:** They embarrass me so damn much

**Me:** Just forget about this alright??? 

**Me:** Youd better 

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Hm. 

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Should I?

**Me:** HUH

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Your confession sounded very genuine. It would be disrespectful to cast aside such passion so easily.

**Me:** OH SHUTNDN THE HELEL UOP

**Me:** UGH YOURE NOT ANY BETTER THAN THOSE BRATS

  
  
 **Me:** IM SURROUNDED BY PRICKS EVERY DAY OF LUFE

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Oh, shut the hell up!*

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Everyday of my life!*

_Read, 1:31 PM_

_2:31 PM_

**Me:** so uh update

**Me:** Youre still an asshole but

**Me:** Im sorry if they made you uncomfortable 

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** An apology isn’t necessary. I understand what happened.

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Actually, I found it more humorous than discomforting.

**Me:** Like I said still an asshole smh

**Me:** Anyway theyre sorry too 

**Me:** But if i weren’t going to accept anyones apology it would be that crazy kid’s

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Please tell them their apologies are fully accepted, they weren’t needed in the first place, and give them my thanks for putting another gray hair on your head. It’s gettingly increasingly easier to make you old.

**Me:** NOT YOU TOO

**Me:** YOU ANNOYING BASTARDS

**Me:** LIKE HELL I WILL 

**Me:** If they know youre on their side

**Me:** I dont think id live to see myself become doctor

**Me:** thats hard enough as it is

**Me:** Id die of high blood pressure 

**Me:** Wouldnt even get on the news

**Me:** Nobody would know how much I was harassed by you bastards

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Mission Kill Leorio Before 30 appears to be officially underway.

**Me:** WHATEVER SMH

**Me:** Anyway Im honestly kinda impressed by how sappy the kids texts were

**Me:** I just read through them all to see how much damage was done and damn it sounds like something straight outta an ass romance novel or smthn

**Me:** I thought he was some unfeeling demon child who sold his soul in exchange for my death

**Me:** Now ive got questions

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** It was unsettling but amusing all the same to read.

**Me:** Speaking of love and all that

**Me:** You never answered my question earlier

**Me:** Have you ever thought about getting a lover? Daydreamed about it or kinda just wished on it? Is the big bad mafia man secretly a soft lover boy?

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Romantic relationships are the very least of my problems. I don’t have the luxury nor the time to dwell on such things. 

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** In any case, my life is complicated. The last thing I would want is to entangle those I treasure in it. Their safety takes priority, so I would keep them as far from me as possible.

**Me:** Yeesh

**Me:** Youre kinda cold

**Me:** You really dont think bout that stuff then??? 

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I doubt someone like me deserves to.

**Me:** Woahwoahwoah

**Me:** Hey thats not true

**Me:** Romantic or not every person deserves love in their life yknow

**Me:** Its always a nice thought to spoil yourself with

**Me:** Brighten up and go fantasize 

**Me:** Start with what your type is

**Me:** You got a type?? 😏

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Like I said, the opportunities to think about my romantic preferences or potential partners have been few and far in between.

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** It’s unimportant, frivolous; wasted time.

**Me:** With that attitude it is

**Me:** But youre lucky you’ve got such a handsome charming friend with a hell ton of experience to turn it around 😏

**Me:** If youve got the time to chat with me then youve got time to spice up your boring nerdy head

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I’m simply not accustomed to discussing these things. I’ve never entertained the thought for long even when the chance arises.

**Me:** Its very depressingly obvious pika

**Me:** Here ill make it unbelievably easy for you

**Me:** When youre walking down the street or talking to someone or whatever what kind of person kinda makes you look at them for a few seconds longer?? Want to talk to them for just a little more?

**Me:** In a good way

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Ah.

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Well. I can acknowledge when someone was blessed with an easy appearance, but I don’t regard them as a potential partner.

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I find that character is far more important. Relying on appearance alone is foolish and shallow.

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** It’s how I evaluate my colleagues.

**Me:** Geez ive got my work cut out for me

**Me:** then what kinda character do ya look for 

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I’ll know when I become familiar with them. 

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I’ll say nothing else on the matter. Someone in my position cannot afford to be distracted.

**Me:** Fine fine get stuck a virgin have it your way

**Me:** be lonely for life but dont say I didnt try to lend you a hand smh

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** You talk as if being alone is a bad thing. 

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** In my line of work, it is best to trust nobody but yourself, so I often work solo. I prefer my solitude and it has served me well.

**Me:** Whatever we get it youve got that stick so far up your angsty ass its hard to yank it back out

**Me:** As for me I like the pretty ones with an even prettier tongue

**Me:** the sharp ones are always the best hehehehe

**Me:** Perfect to beat to but ya didnt hear that from me 😏

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Disgusting. Utterly shameless.

**Me:** Shamelessly charming 😏👌

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Absolutely not.

**Me:** Once you meet me in all my glory youll change your mind I know it 😏

**Me:** Anyway you seem pretty intent on this whole “I work alone” kinda thing

**Me:** Youve got to have friends outside of lil old me right??

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Perhaps. Few I trust, though not many I’d consider a true friend.

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** And I’ll say it again, you may trust me all you wish but don’t assume it’s officially mutual.

**Me:** DONT TRY TO ACT ALL COOL

**Me:** Who was it that finally gave out his precious info to me and thanked me like a sap??? Oh yeah you

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Perhaps that was the bare minimum. Perhaps you may only have passed the line from stranger to something of an acquaintance. I suggest you be more self preserving, and delegate your trust more carefully.

**Me:** Ill tell you again Ill trust whoever the hell I want thank you smh

**Me:** I consider you one hell of a cool friend so expect my bad grammar to haunt you for the rest of your days or whatever 

**Me:** I don’t care what you actually think of me but the fact that youre still trying to distance us is kinda cute bc earlier you said youd push away people you care for haha

**Me:** Checkmate 

**Me:** youre secretly just a really soft asshole

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Pfft.

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Fine then. You’re stubborn, and arguing is pointless as always.

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I do trust you. You’ve quickly become a good friend, as insufferable as you are.

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** There are times, however, where I doubt my decision to do so.

**Me:** WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN SMARTASS

**Me:** But woah

**Me:** I kinda didnt actually expect you to admit it

**Me:** and was that supposed to be laugh??? 

  
**Me:** Wow

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** A coworker told me it would do me some good to loosen up and allow myself to be more open.

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Would you prefer I take it back?

**Me:** NONONO

**Me:** Thanks

**Me:** For uh trusting me and thinking of me as a friend?? 😁

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** No thanks necessary. It’s only common courtesy when you have such faith in me, with what little you know about me.

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I admire your boldness.

**Me:** Ajdnskdkdk 

**Me:** Hell yeah you should

**Me:** So 

**Me:** Im gonna assume you talk like a little priss to strangers

**Me:** Since im your friend does this mean youll break grammar laws with me too

**Me:** Because you need to loosen up and you trust me not to piss on you for it???

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** The day I give up my professionalism will be my last. Do not raise your hopes.

**Me:** Whatever worth a shot haha 

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** What? Do you truly want me to talk

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** like this haha ✨lmao✨ 😂😂😂 good luck getting me to do this again bro ✋ get wrecked 💥

**Me:** I’M GOING TO GO BURN MY FUCKING EYES OUT HOLY SHIT 

**Me:** THAT WAS PHYSICALLY PAINFUL AND HELLA FUNNY TO READ AT THE SAME TIME

**Me:** IS THIS WHAT LIMBO FEELS LIKE??? 

**Me:** SHOCKED EMPTINESS??? 

**Me:** holy shit I need to get a screenshot

**_Kurapikapika...bitch_ ** _has deleted a message._

**Me:** F U C K

**Me:** PIKA CMON LET ME

**Me:** I COULD GET SO MUCH MONEY FROM THAT SINGLE SCREENSHOT

**Me: “** Asshole mafia member finally lets go”

**Me:** IT WOULD BE ITS OWN MUSEUM EXHIBIT

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Absolutely not. Good day to you.

**Me:** WAIT NO BAHAHAHA

**Me:** COME BACK

_Read, 4:48 PM_

**Me:** COME ON 😩

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re slowly getting to somewhere more interesting, I hope! Killua and Gon continue to get involved, I promise. 😚👌
> 
> Anyway, next up: A solo mission and using each other as a diary!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kids staying up too late, Appreciate Leorio hours, using each other as a diary, an upcoming mission, besties, and no homo. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo!! Finally, another chapter! I’m sorry this took so long to update, class has finally started for me, and I got caught up with schoolwork and assignments. Now that I’m settling into the groove, hopefully my updates will be more consistent and less,,, late. 💀 Thank you so much for all your feedback and kind comments, they really keep me going! :)

**Unknown Number**

3:41 AM

 **Unknown Number:** yo.

**Unknown Number:** kurapika, right?

**Unknown Number:** the old man’s new boyfriend lmao

**Me:** State your name and business.

**Unknown Number:** lol

**Me:** I cannot ascertain how you got hold of my name and my possible connections, but if you’ve been informed that I have any manner of specific other, your source is greatly flawed.

**Me:** I also recommend not making light of this; we will not hesitate to set this straight.

**Unknown Number:** kay damn, he wasn’t kidding when he said you had a stick up your ass

**Unknown Number:** you can chill out, i’m not here to get all up in your business, not really.

**Unknown Number:** but tbh i don’t blame you for reacting the way you did, i would’ve done the same thing just a year ago

**Unknown Number:** anyway name’s killua, middle schooler, one of leorio’s friends ig. to me he’s just target practice tho lol

**Unknown Number:** i got some stuff on you by snooping through that dumb old man’s phone and through personal resources i’m not naming. just so you know, there’s not much left to hide.

**Unknown Number:** if the things you’ve told leorio were a coverup and you’ve been lying to his face, i can easily find out, so don’t even think about trying to outsmart me. that would be a very bad move.

**Unknown Number:** and reason why i’m here is because i couldn’t sleep and got bored, so i decided you’d be interesting enough to but at 3 am lmao

**Me:** I see.

**Me:** I apologize if I came off as rude. It’s good to meet you, Killua.

**Unknown Number:** whatever it’s fine, I know you’re a mafia member so i was kinda expecting it

**Unknown Number:** cool to meet you too ig

**Me:** I suppose it would be pointless to hide my status now.

**Me:** However, before I admit to anything further, how can I be certain that you’re not undercover as well? I could be relaying information to an enemy under the guise of a friend, revealing weaknesses you could exploit.

**Unknown Number:** you actually think with your brain, i like you already.

**Unknown Number:** i was waiting for someone with a legit braincell to come along 

**Unknown Number:** i know things about the old man only his dumb friends would. bring it up to him if you even wanna prove it.

**Unknown Number:** that old pervert wanks like two times a day, hides his porn stash as an anatomy study app, wears a stupid suit and tie all the time because he’s just a big insecure baby about first impressions, and pissed his pants when i pulled a halloween prank on him at his place- but he won’t admit it. also he’s really bad at minecraft and his houses suck, so i explode them. he calls it harassment, i call it doing him a favor.

**Unknown Number:** oh and he spoils me and my friend so we like to take advantage of it. last time we hung out he got us these huge milkshakes even though he’s supposed to be this goody two shoes advocate for health or whatever lmao 😹

**Unknown Number:** he still yelled at us after but we couldn’t hear his annoying ass voice over the whipped cream 😼

**Me:** That’s all I need to hear. I’m glad Leorio has good friends.

**Unknown Number:** whatever i’m just friends with him because my best friend is

**Unknown Number:** y’know you and the old man sound pretty close too

**Me:** I assume you came to this conclusion by reading the exchanges between Leorio and I? 

**Unknown Number:** yeah. he texts you like an illiterate moron, not like a stuffy med student. the serious way he texts other people makes me gag 

**Unknown Number:** he’s a fraud honestly lmao

**Unknown Number:** and btw, leorio isn’t going around handing his phone to whoever the hell he wants so they can snoop through his shit. he’s a dumbass but he knows how to be careful- i’m just smart, and he’s soft on me and gon, so it’s a breeze getting into his texts and stuff lol

**Unknown Number:** he even changes his password every month but i always figure it out anyway so i dunno why he bothers.

**Me:** Leorio has discussed your endeavors on a few occasions. I believe you’re to thank for giving him gray hairs so early in life?

**Unknown Number:** lmao hell yeah i am

**Unknown Number:** and i saw. 

**Unknown Number:** first of all the only reason why i sounded so disgusting during that prank was because my little sister’s been reading a shit ton of shitty romance novels lately, and doesn’t shut up about them

**Unknown Number:** all that gross bs has been drilling into my head so don’t get the wrong idea, i don’t enjoy it

**Me:** Certainly.

**Unknown Number:** i’m serious asshole

**Me:** I never said anything against your claim.

**Unknown Number:** ugh nvm

**Unknown Number:** it’s not important g r a n d m a 

**Me:** Grandma? First, an old man, and now I’ve become a grandmother.

**Unknown Number:** i dunno what the other old man’s on, but you’re the old lady to his old man

**Unknown Number:** like those hags you see on the porch that act pressed abt everything but when you actually go talk to them they offer you those strawberry candies or some shit and invite you to grossass tea. 

**Unknown Number:** and you find out thing you thought was a voodoo doll they were crocheting was actually some gift to a niece or something

**Me:** That’s oddly specific.

**Unknown Number:** nvmnvm whatever

**Unknown Number:** anyway

**Unknown Number:** i just wanted to say.

**Unknown Number:** i’m not worried about the old man or anything but 

**Unknown Number:** i’ve seen enough shit go down because of trust issues and betrayals and all that when i was in the mafia, and rioleo’s just some civilian dumbass; i doubt he can handle his own like the pros can

**Unknown Number:** leorio trusts you. he’s a little dumb but you’d better trust him too, and especially not betray him.

**Unknown Number:** if anything happens to his flat ass, gon’s gonna go berserk and i’ll direct him straight to you. hope you know that.

**Me:** I understand your concerns, and you have every right to be suspicious of me. But I will be honest with you, just as I had with Leorio. 

**Me:** He’s become a good friend to me, one of the very few I have. I truly appreciate him, and all the time he insists on spending on the phone with me. Leorio gives so much, and asks for so little, no matter how loudly he seems to demand of me.

**Me:** I would sooner get shot than lose his unconditional companionship. 

**Me:** Continue to suspect me if you wish, it’s only a given. But I hope that I may prove to you that I have rightfully earned that trust from him, and I will not do anything to lose it. I treasure Leorio, and I deeply respect the people looking out for him.

**Unknown Number:** eh i was just testing you, but good answer.

**Unknown Number:** make damn sure that wasn’t an empty promise, loverboy 

**Me:** I will. Thank you, Killua. You’re a good kid.

**Unknown Number:** call me a kid again, i dare you

**Unknown Number:** whatever

**Unknown Number:** this was just for gon’s sake, and i was bored, okay?

**Me:** Okay. Once again, I will take your word for it.

**Me:** I recommend you go and get some rest, now. Regardless of your routines and habits as a result of your mafia involvement, you should strive for a healthy lifestyle.

**Unknown Number:** whatever m o m 

**Me:** From a grandmother to a mom- this is quite the family, isn’t it?

_Read, 4:02 AM_

_Contact name successfully set to Problem Child._

* * *

**Unknown Number**

_4:05 AM_

**Unknown Number:** HiI!!!!

**Unknown Number:** this is kURAPIKA RIGHT???

**Unknown Number:** MY NAMES GON AND LEORIO TOLD US ABOUT YOU!!! 

**Unknown Number:** WAIT WHY IS IT ALL CAPITAL LETTERS

**Unknown Number:** UM DO YOU KNOW HOW TO MAKE IT GO BACK DOWN

**Unknown Number:** TO LOWERCASE!!!

**Unknown Number:** IM REALLY SORRY I DONT WANNA WAKE UP MY BEST FRIEND KILLUA AND MY AUNT MITO FOR HELP THEYRE BOTH SLEEPING RIGHT NOW :(

**Unknown Number:** I HOPE IM NOT BOTHERING YOU :(

**Me:** Hello, it’s good to meet you Gon. I’ve heard about you from Leorio as well.

**Me:** And there’s no need to worry, you’re not bothering me at all.

**Me:** Right now, you’re on caps lock, which makes everything you type uppercase. Do you see an arrow pointing up on your keyboard?

**Unknown Number:** YEAH!!

**Me:** Click it one more time, and you should go back to lowercase again.

**Unknown Number:** OKAY IM GONNA TRY

**Unknown Number:** i think i got it!! Thank you!!

**Me:** You’re very welcome. You trigger caps lock by double clicking the shift button you use to make only one letter capital, just so you know.

**Unknown Number:** Oh!!! okay I get it!!

**Unknown Number:** Thank you kurapika your really nice!!

**Me:** Once again, you’re welcome. It’s not a big deal. 

**Unknown Number:** So how are you Kurapika?? 

**Me:** I’m doing just fine, Gon. How are you? Is there a reason as to why you messaged me?

**Unknown Number:** No not really!!! I just thought since you’re leorio’s friend your basically me and Killua’s too!! 😄

**Unknown Number:** oh and Killua’s my best friend! In the whole wide world!

**Me:** I’ve heard from him. It’s a pleasure to have met the both of you, I can tell you are very good friends to Leorio.

**Unknown Number:** wait you heard from Killua??!! He promised me he was gonna sleep!!! 😡😡😡

**Unknown Number:** Wait brb!! Im gonna tell him he needs to resttt

**Me:** That’s good. Let him know that. I will be right here, Gon.

_4:15 AM_

**Unknown Number:** Ok Im back!!!

**Unknown Number:** Killua said sorry and he went to bed 😁

**Me:** You should sleep as well. It’s not good to stay up so late.

**Me:** I have business to attend to this early morning. Do you have an excuse?

**Unknown Number:** not really heehee 😅😅😅

**Unknown Number:** I guess I was wondering how you and Leorio were doing!!

**Unknown Number:** you know whenever he talks about you he sounds kinda annoyed and happy at the same time but worried too

**Unknown Number:** he never told us why but he always says things like “he’d better not be doing something dumb out there”

**Unknown Number:** your not fighting or getting hurt right?? ☹️

**Me:** You don’t have to worry about me, Gon. I promise I’m being as safe as I can be.

**Unknown Number:** oh okay good!! 😁

**Unknown Number:** leorio told us youre around his age so you’re in college too right??

**Unknown Number:** Maybe when he was talking about doing something dumb, was he talking about you taking tests??? 

**Unknown Number:** Im not good at tests either so its okay 😢 leorio is super smart and helps me sometimes

**Unknown Number:** you should ask him to help you study!!! 

**Me:** I’ll keep that in mind. He’s a very helpful person.

**Unknown Number:** Yeah!!! when I got sick he came over and I got better in like a single day!!! 

**Unknown Number:** My aunt Mito always cooks for him because shes glad he watches over us

**Unknown Number:** OH NO

**Me:** What happened? Are you alright?

**Unknown Number:** Yeah!!! but my aunt mito found out I was awake and she’s yelling at me rn ☹️

**Unknown Number:** I gtg 😋 byeeee Kurapika!! 

**Me:** Goodnight, Gon. Rest well.

**Unknown Number:** I will!!! you too 😁😁😁

_Contact name successfully set to Sunshine Child._

* * *

**Not An Old Man**

_5:25 AM_

**Me:** I suggest keeping an eye on the sleeping schedules of your friends.

_7:11 AM_

**Not An Old Man:** AJDNKSNDD

**Not An Old Man:** THOSE LITTLE BRATS WERE STAYING UP AGAIN WEREN’T THEY

**Not An Old Man:** UGH thanks for telling me pika

**Not An Old Man:** Dont humor them next time though your just enabling them

**Me:** They had valid concerns. I decided it would be alright to talk with them, then send them off to sleep.

**Me:** Leorio.

**Not An Old Man:** Yeah??

**Me:** You have good friends.

**Not An Old Man:** I know I do even if they bully me all the damn time

**Not An Old Man:** That includes you yknow 

**Me:** Ah. Thank you, I suppose.

**Not An Old Man:** THAT WASNT REALLY A COMPLIMENT BASTARD

**Not An Old Man:** Judging me all the damn time smh

**Not An Old Man:** AND HEY IF YOU KNEW THEY WERE AWAKE YOH WERE AWAKE TOO

**Not An Old Man:** I thought you were sleeping better lately dumbass

**Me:** Excuse me? 

**Me:** In any case, I had business to attend to this morning. I believe you already know that I can’t exactly choose when to rest.

**Not An Old Man:** oh

**Not An Old Man:** Oh yeah

**Not An Old Man:** Sorry 😅

**Not An Old Man:** What could be so important that you gotta be up since like what??

**Me:** 3 AM.

**Not An Old Man:** THREE FUXKING AM??????,,??

**Not An Old Man:** That’s insane wth you’re humans not slaves

**Me:** Doesn’t quite feel like being human when you have so many lives stained on your hands.

**Not An Old Man:** Youre forced to and I’m sure you don’t like it either, so yes you are human Kurapika

**Me:** I suppose so.

**Not An Old Man:** whatever you think you are you’re not a monster

**Not An Old Man:** you’ve been through a lot I’m pretty damn sure

**Not An Old Man:** so anyway what did they want with you?? 

**Me:** Thank you Leorio. That means a lot to hear.

**Me:** I cannot divulge all the details, but I trust you, and I’m being sent on a solo assignment.

**Not An Old Man:** A dangerous one?? 

**Me:** Yes. If I do it right, however, I can accomplish it unharmed.

**Not An Old Man:** Only if you do it right??? wth 

**Me:** It’s a high risk assignment, not too unlike a suicide mission. Many of our tasks are. I was the most reliable, so they gave it to me, and I partly wanted it myself.

**Not An Old Man:** why would you want that??? Your crazy can’t you just idk polish your boss shoes or something?? 

**Not An Old Man:** oh I get it theyre paying you a shit ton for it

**Not An Old Man:** I guess I cant blame you but like theres just some things not worth doing man 😓

**Me:** I’ve already told you before, I don’t care for money and wealth. In fact, it’s the root of too many of my problems here.

**Me:** My goal is personal. The assignment is a step towards it, so I took it.

**Not An Old Man:** Oh

**Not An Old Man:** My bad

**Not An Old Man:** I hope you get to your goal safely and like y’know not get killed on the way to it

**Not An Old Man:** like I said there are just some things not worth doing

**Me:** I don’t think you’re quite in a place to tell me what’s worthy of my time and what isn’t. 

**Me:** Do not assume you understand me so well that you can simply tell me what to do with my life. You do not know what I’ve been through.

**Me:** I doubt you could ever understand. You never could. You may be my friend but you do not have control over me and my experiences.

**Not An Old Man:** nonono Kurapika that’s not what I meant

**Not An Old Man:** I’m sorry what I said came out wrong

**Not An Old Man:** I know I won’t be able to understand and you’re right I don’t know what you’ve been through

**Not An Old Man:** What I was trying to say that if your just gonna end up getting killed before reaching your goal it would have been for nothing

**Not An Old Man:** So just be careful and don’t do anything too dangerous. If there’s a much safer way to do it then do it

**Not An Old Man:** Don’t waste your life away working so hard only to take it too far one day and pay the price for it

**Not An Old Man:** That’s why I was like “maybe this assignment isn’t worth doing” because if it’s that dangerous and the possibility of you getting badly hurt is that high

**Not An Old Man:** you won’t be getting to your goal anytime soon if you’re crippled for life or even worse, dead 

**Not An Old Man:** Sorry if I’m overstepping my boundaries or smthn I’m just

**Not An Old Man:** I was kinda told something similar before and it pissed me off but I understood what they meant

**Not An Old Man:** So yeah I’m sorry if I offended you or demeaned your ambition that wasn’t my intention

**Me:** I see.

**Me:** I’m sorry as well. 

**Me:** I apologize for my rude behavior. I’m embarrassed.

**Not An Old Man:** hey don’t worry about it I kinda get a gist of what you’re going through 

**Not An Old Man:** it was my fault, I triggered something I should’ve been more careful about

**Me:** You didn’t know, it’s not your fault at all.

**Me:** My goal means a lot to me. More than my own life ever could. 

**Me:** But you’re correct in saying it would be meaningless if I get myself killed.

**Me:** I don’t think I’d ever be able to forgive myself if that happened.

**Me:** Thank you, Leorio.

**Me:** I truly apologize for lashing out at you. You were simply trying to help.

**Not An Old Man:** I promise it’s okay no worries Kurapika

**Not An Old Man:** By the sound of it that goal of yours means a hell lot to you if it’s more important than your life

**Not An Old Man:** Just stay safe, okay? can you promise me that??? 

**Me:** I don’t make promises I can’t keep.

**Me:** But I’ll certainly try, Leorio.

**Not An Old Man:** That’s more than enough for me 

**Not An Old Man:** not totally what I wanted to hear because my best friend might be going out and getting themselves murdered but that’s the most I could hope from you 😅

**Me:** Best friend?

**Not An Old Man:** oh uh

**Not An Old Man:** Sorry if that made you uncomfortable

**Not An Old Man:** I know we’ve only been texting for like a few weeks or so but

**Not An Old Man:** I share more about myself and my life with you than I do anyone else yknow?? 

**Not An Old Man:** I guess our chat kinda became like a diary lmao

**Not An Old Man:** I don’t feel really close to my classmates, or my mentor, and although I trust the brats they’re still kids, and there’s some things I can’t exactly burden them with

**Not An Old Man:** so when you came along and I realized I trusted you i felt more open and free to speak my mind and stuff

**Not An Old Man:** You’re really chill and even though you’re a lil serious your a pretty funny and good guy 

**Not An Old Man:** tbh talking to you is like a breath of fresh air and I really trust you

**Not An Old Man:** So I guess you’re the closest friend I’ve got 👍 Lucky you lol

**Me:** I hope you know I feel the same way. I haven’t quite felt comfortable with talking so familiarly with someone else.

**Me:** Thank you, for being so patient and kind to me. It means more to me than you know.

**Me:** You’re a good best friend, as well. I am truly lucky to have you, I trust you with all my being.

**Not An Old Man:** REALLY???? PIKA YOUR BOUT TO MAKE ME CRY OVER HERE

**Not An Old Man:** IMNSKDND IM YOUR BEAT FERIEND REALLY???

**Me:** Would you rather it be someone else? 

**Not An Old Man:** JOJONONINO I JUST WANTS EXPECTING THAT FROM YOU AND

**Not An Old Man:** I love you bro no homo

**Me:** Haha. I guess I love you too.

**Not An Old Man:** PIKA IM CRYING YOU BASTARD

**Not An Old Man:** [nowivegottearsonmytextbookyouasshole.png]

**Not An Old Man:** God I hope it doesn’t show when it dries

**Me:** You were really crying? 

**Not An Old Man:** SHUT UP ITS YOUR FAULT

**Me:** My apologies, then.

**Not An Old Man:** JASJDKSK ASSHOLE

* * *

“I’m really starting to get worried for the blondie.”

“Whatever for this time, Basho?”

“Look- over there.”

Melody subtly peered past the corner, and Basho huddled behind her not-so-subtly, to catch a glimpse of Kurapika sitting down at the break room coffee table. He was holding his phone with both hands, leaning back against the couch in that prim manner he always paired with frowning lips during meetings, but this time, with a timid but sweet, genuine smile on his face. 

“Look closer- is… Is the guy tearing up?”

Upon closer inspection, the stoic blonde’s eyes did- in fact- look glassy, watery, with threatening tears, tiny drops lining the thick lashes fanning over his cheeks. But as if he felt the weight of curious gazes on him, Kurapika quickly blinked them back, promptly stuffed his phone away, and got to his feet, brushing himself off and straightening his appearance- unaware that it was pointless because Basho and Melody had seen everything.

With a curt pat to his cheeks, Kurapika’s face of steel had fallen over his features, and he strode briskly down the hall in their direction, fists firmly clenched and posture assuming the confidence of a high ranking mafia man. Quickly, the two scrambled away from the wall, and stepped back, hoping to feign coincidental arrivals. 

They intercepted at the corner, eyes widening in fake surprise. He nodded to them politely.

“Good evening.”

“Good evening to you too, Kurapika.” Melody said with a smile in her voice. “I’m happy to say that you’re looking a lot better lately. Has something good happened?”

Something unreadable crossed his expression, but Melody knew it was similar to that of a deer caught in the headlights. “Ah… I suppose so. I have a feeling my assignment will go well. I’m determined to succeed.”

“That’s great, Kurapika, ahaha!” Melody would have elbowed the larger man had she been at a more convenient height. Basho’s tone was unbearably fake.

“Yes. Well then, I’ll be seeing you two. I have a few preparations to secure before setting off in a day or two.”

“Good luck, Kurapika. Stay safe.” 

As they watched his retreating back, Basho huffed.

“I have a feeling you know something I don’t.”

“I do, you’re just dense.” She sighed in teasing exasperation before glancing back to the blonde disappearing beyond the hallway, catching his scarlet earrings glinting more fiercely than ever.

* * *

“Is this… Is this a bad time?” She frowned. “Don’t tell me the stress is catching up to you now.”

“Nonono,” Leorio waves his hand dismissively, hastily wiping his eyes on his sleeve- to which Cheadle scrunched up her nose in disapproval. “I’m just… I just have this close friend and he was so damn nice today-“

“Is your friend not usually nice?”

“He’s actually kind of a pompous know-it-all asshole, but he’s a really good guy. But today-“ he almost looked like he was tearing up again. “I’ve never heard him sound so soft, I’m serious-“

“Okay, okay, you can stop now,” the mint-haired woman pinched her nose, “I understand. Just- don’t let your personal relationships hinder your performance on the job, okay?”

“Yes, ma’am!” He exclaimed, straightening up.

She eyed him with a dangerous glint. “I’m letting this slide just this once. Next time you come over tearing up, I won’t show any mercy and I’ll drill you until you have a reason to cry harder. The medical field isn’t so kind.”

“Yes, ma’am!” Then he relaxed his shouders, chuckling sheepishly. “Actually, your dog’s scarier than you are, so if anything-“

“Yorkshire is not…” she inhaled sharply, then pointed abruptly to the textbook she noticed had dried tears on it. “Name that bone.”

“Oh! The uh- the um!”

“Too late! Wrong!”

“Cheaadle-“  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They’re getting closer y’all!!! Emotionally and,,, physically? 😳
> 
> Also, feel free to catch me at my Tumblr, sleepypaladiknight, yelling into the abyss about my fav HxH bbys,,, 💕
> 
> Next up: Butt dials and safety!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feeling tired, nicknames, naps, and hometowns. :) Just two dudes getting closer, and learning a lil more about each other! Ft. A future surprise from Pika?? 🤭

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’M BACK, I LIVE, I BREATHE- I really owe you guys, so there should be another chapter up tomorrow! :) I love you guys so much, and I’ll get to replying to all your sweet comments soon!!! I’m serious, your comments make my day- my whole week, my whole month- and really encourage me to get back into writing as soon as possible!!! 💝💝💝💝 You guys are just as important to the fic as the writing process itself!!!!

**Kurapikapika...bitch**

_ 4:11 PM _

**Me:** Holy shitttt man

**Me:** Im exhausted 

**Me:** Is this what it feels like to be dead

**Me:** like goddamn i know med school is hella tiring

**Me:** Found that out real fast

**Me:** but today just felt like absolute shit

**Me:** Still got so much studying to do though smh

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I suggest you take a break. Give yourself a few hours. 

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I assure you you’ll be able to finish your tasks much faster well-rested than half-dead.

**Me:** You speakin from experience??

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Loathe I am to admit, yes. And shouldn’t you know this, being a doctor and all?

**Me:** Im not even a doctor yet smh

**Me:** And I knowww breaks are good

**Me:** but ive just got a shit ton to do i dunno if i can really afford to

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Leorio.

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I understand you want to finish, but I wholeheartedly advise against doing your work in such a poor condition; you might sacrifice its quality.

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** It may have all been for nothing, whether you did finish it or not. Don’t lose so early when you have a much longer path ahead of you.

**Me:** Ahhh youre right…

**Me:** Ok ill probably make some tea then pass out

**Me:** Also this situation sounds awfully familiar

**Me:** Dont tell me your trying to be as cool and wise as I was yesterday

**Me:** Ehehe I dont blame you tho Id wanna be like me too

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Less cool and wise, more insufferably annoying but nonetheless helpful.

**Me:** HEY YU BASTARD

**Me:** If I hadnt said anything then maybe you would be less careful on your mission thing and then end up getting killed

**Me:** Damn right am i helpful

**Me:** if you live after your mission you owe it all to me bc i reminded you to not be a reckless idiot

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** And if you live to become a doctor, you’d do well to credit me for stopping you from performing so poorly on your assignments your professor humiliates you and you’re dropped from medical school.

**Me:** Wow thanks sunshine smh

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I don’t exactly like being reminded of how close I already am to dancing with death, either. 

**Me:** Okay okay jokes aside though are you really okay? You promise youre being careful??

**Me:** You should relax too yknow taking care of yourself is a part of not being a self-destructive bastard

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** As safe as I can be. Like I promised you, I would try.

**Me:** Still a suspiciously vague answer but i guess i can take it

**Me:** Sorry for uh prodding ya again

**Me:** Anyway

**Me:** just finished my old man juice

**Me:** Ive really got to get a new tea flavor lemon ginger is just not doing it for me anymore

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Might I recommend cranberry apple? I’m especially fond of it.

**Me:** Damn that sounds good

**Me:** Ill get some when I wake up

**Me:** uuggghHhHHhh

**Me:** After I finish my shitlaod of shit and studyinh

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Don’t think too much of it and just go to bed. You’ll feel more motivated when you wake up.

**Me:** Alrijht

**Me:** This isht hurted like wtfff

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I’m sure it does. 

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Now go and sleep. Your spelling and grammar skills are suffering more than they already do.

**Me:** STFY

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Point proven.

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Rest well.

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I have nothing to attend to this evening, so I will keep watch of this chat and make sure you’re not crawling back onto your phone.

_ Read, 4:43 PM _

  
  


_7:32 PM_

**Me:** Holy shitttt man 

**Me:** That felt good af

**Me:** I feel pretty damn pumped to do some hella studying now lmao

**Me:** Thanks for having a braincell for once sunshine lmao

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I’m glad to hear.

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Consider it a favor returned.

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** And sunshine? 

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I ignored it the first time. Are you referring to me? 

**Me:** Nah I was talking to the pedophilic clown that hides in the ceiling corner of your room

**Me:** Of course Im talking about you who else smh 🤦‍♂️ 

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Why sunshine?

**Me:** Why u embarrassed?? hahaha

_ Read, 7:45 PM _

**Me:** Oh my god you are

**Me:** YOH ARE ARGAHAH

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** No, I am not.

**Me:** What’s with the delayed response then huh???? 

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I am doing something.

**Me:** Didnt you say earlier

**Me:** ‘I have nothing to attend to this evening oooo’

**Me:** Aha 

**Me:** Thats what I thought 😏

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** My silence is not defeat, simply a sign of unwillingness to reason with someone as stubborn as you.

**Me:** yeah yeah excuses excuses 

**Me:** you cant keep up your cool guy act for long kiddo

**Me:** I just thought itd be funny

**Me:** Sunshine is like ironic ig

**Me:** bc yknow your super dark and cool and mysterious and emo

**Me:** Mostly not completely

**Me:** and sunshine is like the total opposite lmao 

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Ah. I see.

**Me:** You can call me dumb stuff too yknow lmao 

**Me:** Killua already does 

**Me:** that annoyingass brat 🙄

**Me:** But uh you dont have to

**Me:** and Im sorry if I made you uncomfortable it anything

**Me:** I was just kidding around

**Me:** Its not really a big deal but if you dont like it I wont yknow use it to piss you off

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Do you really have to treat me like a bomb on the verge of detonating?

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I’m not delicate. I can take a joke. Moreover, a nickname.

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Mister Leorio.

**Me:** JAJSSK MISTER???

**Me:** HUH??? 

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** What, “u embarrassed?”

**Me:** NO SMH

**Me:** No

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Pfft.

**Me:** SMH IM NOT

**Me:** ITS JUST WEIRD

**Me:** IM NOT THAT MUCH ODLER THAT YOU

**Me:** dont tell me you have a kink or soemthkmg smh

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** The only thing making it weird is you.

**Me:** SHUT THE HELL UP

**Me:** Why mister wth

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I agree with Killua on the notion you are not unlike an old man. 

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I also believe members of the senior population should be treated with respect.

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Thus, mister.

**Me:** ITS OVER WHEN I METT UOU IRL

**Me:** ONSNIGHT

**Me:** ILL REALLYBKILL YOU 

**Me:** CATCH THESE FISTSD

**Me:** MEER ME OUTSIDE ILL TKAEBUOU ON NO HESITATION

**Me:** I hate you guys i swear 

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** You are precious to us too, Leorio.

**Me:** Stfu smug asshole

**Kurapikapika...bitch: ✌️😌**

**Me:** You still piss me off smh but

**Me:** Woah

**Me:** You used emojis

**Me:** In a not really cursed way lmao

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** A coworker advised me to use them to better express myself.

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I find some combinations very amusing.

**Kurapikapika...bitch: 🕳** 🏃💨

**Kurapikapika...bitch: 😨🔫** 😃🔫

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** My personal favorite is:

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** 🔴👄🔴🔪⛓🕷⛓

**Me:** LMAO WTH

**Me:** WHAT DOWA THAT LAST ONE EVEN MEAN

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** It’s none of your concern. Simply my favorite. I find it very connected to me personally.

**Me:** LMAO

**Me:** HAHA I SUCCESSFULLY TOOK SCREENSHOTS

**Me:** What will the world say now that they have witnessed your bullshitting around

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I’d kill you before word even got out, you know that.

**Me:** Yea I do 😭

**Me:** Whixh is annoying af 

**Me:** Smh cant do shit around you

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Haha.

**Me:** Speaking of bullshitting around I gotta finish my studying f u ck 

**Me:** You really are a bad influence 

**Me:** Now you dont have an argument because you really did distract me 

**Me:** Annoying bastard smh 🙄

**Me:** Lmao

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I’ll let you win this, merely because I pity you.

**Me:** SHUT UP 🙄🙄🙄

**Me:** Pity my ass you just admit that youve been a very bad influence of a friend 

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Perhaps I am.

**Me:** Wait no your not

**Me:** I was kidding around

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Pfft.

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I’ll leave you be so you can focus, now.

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Should anything come up, feel free to message me. My evening is unoccupied.

**Me:** Thanks man 👍

**Me:** And if youve got nothing to do just sleep like I did

**Me:** take your own advice and get some rest 

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I feel restless, it would be a waste of time to try and sleep. I think I’ll indulge in a hobby.

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Leorio.

**Me:** Fine if your sure but as soon as you start dozing off youre gonna pass out ok??? Sleep when you can

**Me:** doctor’s orders lmao

**Me:** and yeah??

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Noted.

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** And what is your favorite kind of scenery? 

**Me:** Huh??? 

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** An environment you find the most calm in.

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Example, the beach, or a city at sunset.

**Me:** Oh uh

**Me:** I dunno if this is what your asking for but

**Me:** I think of like a grassy hillside by the ocean

**Me:** Near a seaside town or something

**Me:** I grew up in a place like that so thinking about those kinda places puts me at ease

**Me:** I miss my hometown a lot nowadays haha

**Me:** Why ya asking? 

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** That’s perfect. Thank you.

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** You’ll see.

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** You should visit your hometown sometime if you miss it. 

**Me:** I wish I could so damn bad but Im always so damn busy 

**Me:** Too many things to do and not enough space for anything else yknow??

**Me:** The air was always hella crisp and you can hear people laughing in the small bars from town

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Your home sounds beautiful. I find it no surprise that it calms you. 

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** And yes, I understand that.

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** A little too well.

**Me:** You far from home too?? 

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Yes. I grew up in the country. Near many woods and fields.

**Me:** That sounds rlly nice

**Me:** You got animals??

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Certainly. I once had many chickens.

**Me:** Thats adorable ahaha

**Me:** One day you can go back I know it 👍

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I would love to. But even if I had the opportunity, I doubt I would enjoy it much.

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Things have changed there. It’s not quite the same.

**Me:** Oh Im sorry :(

**Me:** I kinda get that tho

**Me:** Theres some things missing from my hometown now too

**Me:** but it would still be worth it yknow? 

**Me:** Maybe you can learn to appreciate the new even if it’s different

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I suppose I could. That is very sound advice, Leorio. :)

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** The same goes to you.

**Me:** 😁👍

**Me:** One day we could just say fuck it drop all our ass responsibilities and go on a road trip (or uh plane trip??) and visit our hometowns and a bunch of places lmao

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** I wouldn’t be opposed to that at all. I’d like to see your hometown for myself.

**Me:** Yours too pika

**Me:** We got a plan??

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** You wish. I certainly do, pfft.

**Me:** lmao fuck adulting amiright?? 

**Me:** DAMMIT SIDETRACKED AGAIN

**Me:** Youre taking this whole bad influence thing seriously huh

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** And if I am?

**Me:** SMARTASS SMH

**Me:** be a good friend and shut up lmao

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Will do, Mister Leorio. 🙄

**Me:** HAJSKS

**Me:** GOODBYE

**Kurapikapika...bitch:** Pffft.

_ Contact name successfully set to Sunshine. _

* * *

_ Contact name successfully set to Mister Leorio. _

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🔴👄🔴🔪⛓🕷
> 
> AND YES I KNOW THAT LAST CHAPTER’S “NEXT UP” DID NOT MATCH UP WITH THIS CHAPTER AT ALL, BUT I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TOO FAST AND I’LL DO IT NEXT CHAPTER!!! ✨✨✨ Thank you so much for your patience aaaa, I’ve barely planned this fic out at all- 😃👍✨ And once again, I appreciate every single one of you!!! I’m sorry I’m so slow for updates and replying to your sweet comments- ;;;;

**Author's Note:**

> Woah, my first fanfiction ever! Comments, constructive criticism, and kudos are all greatly appreciated! If people actually end up liking this, I’ll be happy to make more chapters! But this can sit as a oneshot for now? ♡´･ᴗ･`♡
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed! Dialogue is something I’m weak at in writing, so I thought writing something of a chatfic would help a lot,,,


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